by Mostess » Wed Dec 15, 2004 5:02 pm
Roughly in order of preference. Vote goes to Likely Lads, Deshead, or JBB depending on which gets me coming back for more tomorrow.
Likeley Lads: You have it! Easily the most precious gem of the lot; still very rough, but you can see the myriad ways of cutting it, and it would obviously shine brightly no matter what. Your ending could have gone on longer and I would have joined in, but I thank you for letting me go after 2:10. Great chorus. Kill the guitar solo (or move it to the end while you repeat your coda over and over and over) write me another verse (and watch that prosidy while you're at it---I know the rockers don't care, but it's why your second verse sounds so much better than your first). Seriously, a great song here.
Deshead: Damned good energy and smooth sound. Good "Crash Test Dummies" vibe---heartfelt, authentic, but pop-y, controlled, and clean. I like the avoidance of the final cadence. A decent song. Could use a quirky chord change or a catchy descant to make it stand out; kind of plain as is. A graceful performance, top notch, not stellar.
John Benjamin Band: I'm usually a sucker for major 7ths, but they sound out of place in your verse; not sure why. I really like the form of this; the hocket between solo and harmony vocals is churchy, but not formal. The bridge is wide and sweet, though I'd like it longer and to stray more from home. I'd delete the empty spaces in the middle and at the end (what is bugging me about that piano part?), but I wouldn't touch much else. Great entry.
Interactive Electric Nipple: Tighten your structure and value my time and I will love you. I really like the sound of this; very slick. I love the initial melody (especially the beat before the end of the main phrase: "beneath my...feet") and the conga percussion. The starting "doing dishes" sounds are cheesy and unwelcome. Delete the first :45 seconds, maybe even the first :60 and jump right into the verse. In general, your use of space is indulgent and weak. No architecture, just slick repetition. Like a Walmart---nice enough, and pretty effective, but damned near detestable in practice. By 3:00, I've given up on hearing a song; too soon for your jazz-y "interlude" (actually, a B-section where the song should have been finished for :20!) to be effective.
Pipe Fist: Lovely voice, interesting sounds. Bridge adds no distinction, fails to bridge anything. Form is loose and nothing changes quickly enough. Pull instruments out and bring them back to give the song more definition. The last :45 are self-indulgent, uninteresting and weak; no excuse in a 4:08 song.
WreckdoM: Okay, I'm warming up to you. And I appreciate your existance and your contribution to SongFight! I'm still not quite sure what you get out of this forum, but that's apparantly for you to know and for me to ponder. I usually half-listen to your entries but this one was short enough for me to consider.
Fifteen Years: Too hypnotic for me. Lots of space, and little to fill it. Sweet if you're patient; dull if you're me. I like the breakdown around 2:45, and the religious overtones, but the general gist is elusive. And you forgot to write an ending.
Level Nivelo: The overly-loud, uncommitted vocals and sloppy lyrics ("I don't trust your priests anymore"? Is that your best shot?), and half-assed rap make this sound like a joke. But it's not funny. So I'm left cold. The radio-sounding background loops toward the end are creepy and cool, and the end has some spunk. But I really dislike this overall.
Carlo: 2x2x2x2x2... Very square. But it's hip to be square, eh? Seriously, what's up with the Huey Lewis cover? This has no passion or joy; it seems like a happy song making a bold statement, but you sound bored and limp. The lyrics are trite, and the form is unorignial. I liked this for the first :20 or so, but you let me down.
Brice Henry: The collapse before 2:00 is the best moment of the song (though somewhat sophmoric). You should have ended it there, or at least come back somewhat affected by that (change something!). I hate to be a vocal snob, but you and your background singer need to switch places. I don't like the idea, and the actual song leaves me cold; hard to say why exactly. I don't think it's your performance, but it's hard to see past. ("ACT station"? "Frasier...Cheers"? Poor choices, I think.)
Mediteranem: I like to place the mics in the same room as me when I record. Okay, that was snarky, but you sound very soft and distant. I think that's because of the huge reverb and the small volume level. The song doesn't have much to recommend it. Melody is flat, guitar is monotonous. That's it. Lose the guitar solo bit from 2:24 to 3:03 or so. You lost me there. Pity because your voice has a nice flavor to it when you pick it up towards the end, but then you stop. The last 10 seconds are the sweetest: do that more.
Hentai Kitty Death: This sucks. No heart, no passion, no reason, hardly anything to listen to. I like the pianoish guitar part and the solo has some lovely melodic moments, but they're nothing special. Try divorcing your melody from your chord progression; it's too parallel. Try adding a second voice. The song sounds like a commanding, ominous voice, but your performance sounds like a morose teenager. Delete the last minute and a half and you'll gain some points.
Me$$iah: I expected this entry from the title (actually, I expected about 10 of these). Needs more rehearsal, obviously, but even more it needs a lot of polishing. Bass, guitar, vocals, and drums are all doing the same thing. Drum fills are the only thing changing from phrase to phrase, and even they seem static somehow. What's up with the vocal arhythmia in the chorus? Intentional? Style choice? Or sloppy?
"It sounded to me, not like it came from his heart, but like it came from mine, and was saying things I couldn't say. That's not just a good song. That's why songs exist in the first place."
-Roy Edroso on Graham Parker