Toilet Paper

sausage boy · Post by **sausage boy** » Thu May 18, 2006 5:54 pm

Expanded from the 'blades' thread.

I listened to one of the Spy vs Pie podcasts today, apparently, Phil (i think it was) said he uses his hand now. So the poll has been expanded to include that.

I also realise that the answers don't really fit the question, but I don't fucking care. You get the idea.

Caravan Ray · Post by **Caravan Ray** » Thu May 18, 2006 7:16 pm

I thought Adelaide was a city of wine-bar-loitering bidet users.

sausage boy · Post by **sausage boy** » Thu May 18, 2006 7:58 pm

I have never seen a bidet in my life.

Obviously I have been going to the wrong wine bars.

Plat · Post by **Plat** » Thu May 18, 2006 10:28 pm

Folded paper is smooth paper. I like to be as smooth as possible. Irritated through noise, not through scratched bum.

That said, I don't usually mess with it. As long as it's not that super-thin 1-ply junk. Thin as in, thinner than paper thin. That said, paper thin would be overkill. 2-ply works pretty handily as-is.

Sometimes the moisturized/anti-bacterial stuff is good too, for that just-showered feeling.

catch · Post by **catch** » Fri May 19, 2006 10:34 am

Real pirates don't use toilet paper.

fodroy · Post by **fodroy** » Fri May 19, 2006 11:33 am

if i lost my arms and had to rely on someone else to wipe me, i'd probably get mad if they folded. i'd just feel unclean.

Mogosagatai · Post by **Mogosagatai** » Fri May 19, 2006 11:38 am

Scrunching provides ample thickness, and it helps to sorta conform to the butthole, whereas folded has to be done very carefully so as not to smear poop onto the skin of the butt. Scrunching all the way, man.

Bjam · Post by **Bjam** » Fri May 19, 2006 12:21 pm

I thought I belonged to one choice, then I noticed today I am another.

I don't know what to think anymore.

Niveous · Post by **Niveous** » Fri May 19, 2006 1:03 pm

Bjam wrote:I thought I belonged to one choice, then I noticed today I am another.

I don't know what to think anymore.

I hope you didn't go from folding to realizing that you were just using your bare hand.

HeuristicsInc · Post by **HeuristicsInc** » Fri May 19, 2006 8:11 pm

Mogosagatai wrote:Scrunching provides ample thickness, and it helps to sorta conform to the butthole, whereas folded has to be done very carefully so as not to smear poop onto the skin of the butt. Scrunching all the way, man.

umm, you're not supposed to fold it after you wipe... i'm just sayin'.
-bill

Adam! · Post by **Adam!** » Fri May 19, 2006 8:17 pm

Scrunched.

Man, there's so many other dimensions this poll could take! Front to Back, or vice versa? Reach between the legs or around?

Post by **Spud** » Fri May 19, 2006 9:40 pm

Puce wrote:Man, there's so many other dimensions this poll could take! Front to Back, or vice versa? Reach between the legs or around?

Look. The moderators here may have been too lenient. Go ahead. Make my day. I am ready to nuke a thread. Is it gonna be this one?

catch · Post by **catch** » Fri May 19, 2006 11:43 pm

Spud wrote:
Puce wrote:Man, there's so many other dimensions this poll could take! Front to Back, or vice versa? Reach between the legs or around?
Look. The moderators here may have been too lenient. Go ahead. Make my day. I am ready to nuke a thread. Is it gonna be this one?

You wouldn't dare...

sausage boy · Post by **sausage boy** » Sat May 20, 2006 6:59 am

i would love to be responsible for the first nuked poll topic. Another notch onto my SongFight belt (no actual belt exists)

I fold, by the way. And I eat a fairly healthy died so the smearing is near non-existent.

Mogosagatai · Post by **Mogosagatai** » Sat May 20, 2006 10:16 am

HeuristicsInc wrote:umm, you're not supposed to fold it after you wipe... i'm just sayin'.

Huh? Yeah I know.

I'm reach-back (not between-the-legs), and I'm really variable on the forward or backward wiping, though I lean towards front-to-back.

Also, do you stand or sit while you wipe? Or somewhere in-between? I stand, but it's kind of a hunched stand, not like I stand normally.

Adam! · Post by **Adam!** » Sat May 20, 2006 10:34 am

Mogosagatai wrote:I'm reach-back (not between-the-legs), and I'm really variable on the forward or backward wiping, though I lean towards front-to-back. I stand, but it's kind of a hunched stand, not like I stand normally.

How can you even exist?

That is the exact wiping profile of most serial killers.

fluffy · Post by **fluffy** » Sat May 20, 2006 10:22 pm

everyone wrote:blah blah blah

This is the most retarded thread ever.

Post by **Spud** » Sat May 20, 2006 11:22 pm

fluffy wrote: This is the most retarded thread ever.

Don't encourage them, fluffy. I am pretty sure that is the point.

shadowy puppetmaster · Sat May 20, 2006 11:54 pm

YOU WILL ALL BE DESTROYED FOR YOUR IMPUDENCE.

THE WALL IS BEING ERECTED AS WE SPEAK. IT IS MOLDED SPECIFICALLY TO YOUR BACKS WITH EXACTING PRECISION.

Toilet Paper

When you use toilet paper do you

Toilet Paper