Nur Ein VII Round One "Architect"

There can be only one.
User avatar
RangerDenni
Ice Cream Man
Posts: 1214
Joined: Mon Apr 19, 2010 1:00 am
Instruments: vocals, piano, drums, bit o’gitfiddle, other noisy stuff
Recording Method: cubase, pianoteq, desperation.
Submitting as: a mysterious presence of quiet silence and apology reverb
Pronouns: She/Her They/Them
Location: Austin, TX
Contact:

Re: Nur Ein VII: Round One

Post by RangerDenni »

Ross.

greetings and congratulations.

in my first chorus, I repeated my chorus melody exactly - starting from its entrance on the second bar (or, 2nd half of a long phrase). I wanted to make sure I got the Swingy see-saw back and forth motion of the switching from antecedent to consequent of the phrase...but may have done the task too well by using language too similar in both the A bits of the chorus. It sounds as though the same thing is happening twice, really. I wanted to avoid lyrical confusion, as Lunkhead had said in the last round something about me using a lot of lyrics and he's right; often Chris wishes I'd write simple hooky choruses in Psychotics rather than my novelettes. :) as a matter of fact much of the critique of Me has been rather helpful. I've just been busy with Sick Cat or I'd say more about everyone else's good work too :)

Anyway, In other places in this tune; there are small variations on the idea of a round and incomplete statements of such; as well as some things in the verses which nod at the concept of motivic restatement in various compositional form (tho in other form, admittedly, not just in round!). This may make it sound like I'm taking other half ass stabs at it, especially if the first whole statement didn't stick.

I really did want to make sure I row-row boated at least one bit to provide Thouroughness, however. So it was done with intention as I have learned and understood it. :)
"Really interesting how the point you’re making slowly emerges like Martin Sheen from the mud in Apocalypse Now..." ~j$
User avatar
Caravan Ray
bono
bono
Posts: 8647
Joined: Sat Sep 25, 2004 1:51 pm
Instruments: Penis
Recording Method: Garageband
Submitting as: Caravan Ray,G.O.R.T.E.C,Lyricburglar,The Thugs from the Scallop Industry
Location: Toowoomba, Queensland
Contact:

Re: Nur Ein VII: Round One

Post by Caravan Ray »

j$ wrote: GJ - is this written for *me*? Well, I love it.
Sign of a good song - when the listener thinks it has been written especially for them.

Not sure why you think that - whether it is your love of hard core pornography, whether it is because you are an Australian Public Servant or whether you could tell I was trying to re-write Kraftwerk's Autobahn.
j$
Beat It
Posts: 5348
Joined: Sat Sep 25, 2004 11:33 am
Instruments: Bass, keyboards, singin', guitar
Submitting as: Johnny Cashpoint
Location: London, Engerllaaannnddd
Contact:

Re: Nur Ein VII: Round One

Post by j$ »

2 out of 3 ain't bad, as Australian Meatloaf once sang :)
supremeedible
Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love
Posts: 85
Joined: Thu Jul 16, 2009 3:05 pm
Instruments: Guitar, but will attempt anything
Recording Method: Firepod + Audacity FTW
Submitting as: Gooey Caramel Centaur
Location: Aotearoa
Contact:

Re: Nur Ein VII: Round One

Post by supremeedible »

j$ wrote:Gooey - I really like the chord sequence. I read the words before hearing the song, and I took an anti-democratic interpretation from it (probably wrong, all I can say if so is - maybe you want to consider the danger of how your abstract message comes across to idiots like me) - This is a massivley catchy song that doesn't outstay its welcome, but my own prejudice / interpretation is stopping me putting it top. That's likely my problem.
I certainly wrote it with politics in mind. Our right wing party, which is currently in power, is bent on "bringing down the walls" and turning New Zealand into just another country that bows to America and China for no real reason. This strikes me as particularly odd because they happen to be called "National".

I think once a song is in the hands of the listeners, it should mean to them what it means to them, though. I don't think it's important to try to shield the song from unofficial interpretations. Thanks for the review!
j$
Beat It
Posts: 5348
Joined: Sat Sep 25, 2004 11:33 am
Instruments: Bass, keyboards, singin', guitar
Submitting as: Johnny Cashpoint
Location: London, Engerllaaannnddd
Contact:

Re: Nur Ein VII: Round One

Post by j$ »

Cool - I kind of assumed it was my stupidity. I personally think the only time it's important to make people understand your point is when it matters to you (political or otherwise - where being vague is a defense rather than a bonus point ) but I managed not to let it influence my scoring. Yeah,me, right? :)

j$
JoAnn Abbott
Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love
Posts: 26
Joined: Mon Apr 16, 2012 5:18 pm
Submitting as: Menage A Tune

Re: Nur Ein VII: Round One

Post by JoAnn Abbott »

Thanks J$- though as you can see, I didn't make it. My background is in musical theater, and I also love children's songs, folk songs and Christian music. If you want to hear what I sound like with a really GOOD partner (who sadly hates deadlines...) here is a link to my Bandcamp page. http://menageatune.bandcamp.com/track/fractal-choices
Alvis
Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love
Posts: 43
Joined: Mon Apr 30, 2012 4:58 pm
Instruments: Vox, Keys, Guitar, Cash Register
Recording Method: Digital Performer, Ardour
Submitting as: Boffo Yux Dudes, Alvis, Ultrasaurus, Tone Def
Location: That Toddlin' Town

Re: Nur Ein VII: Round One

Post by Alvis »

j$ wrote:WAIL (and before the final scores were totted


BYD - Apart from the "haha! Rude words! isn't being gay funny?" embarrassment, I actually like this weird clash of electro & Jazz. I do feel like I got into hot tub time machine. That's not a bad singing voice, and I like the variety on last time out. But at heart I am struggling with the pointless use of the word "gay". Maybe that's because I am.
First of all, thanks for the kind words on the song.

You're absolutely right about the "gay" usage. It was a bad rhyme/joke (the joke being that the guy is so desperate to hook up with this woman that he wants to assure her he's TOTALLY available and into her...basically horrible at flirting.)

Homophobia is despicable in all forms and I truly apologize. As Spinal Tap says, "there's a fine line between clever and stupid". Or offensive.

I get the idea you donn't apologize for much in Nur Ein, but this is a notable exception. Thank you again for the cpmments and your thoughtfulness.
User avatar
glennny
Jump
Posts: 2196
Joined: Sat Mar 04, 2006 2:39 am
Instruments: Guitar, Bass, Mandolin, Dobro, Banjo, E-Bow, Glock
Recording Method: Garageband
Submitting as: Berkeley Social Scene
Location: Castro Valley, California

Re: Nur Ein VII: Round One

Post by glennny »

Wreckdom wrote:
I'm not crazy am I? We should actually be last in alphabetical order?
I will alphabetize 3 bands for you:

Worldly Self Assurance
Wreckdom
WSA

so it depends on how you call us.
and you are crazy, in a writing weird interesting music kind of way
Phillipso, Older Brothers, Semolina Pilchards, Zipline , Thank Glennny for the Frisbee, The Odoriferous Valley, The Worldly Self Assurance, Berkeley Social Scene, Very Gentle Knives, Daddy Bop Swing Set, GUNS, The Kraken Lives, Cavedwellers
User avatar
nyjm
Ice Cream Man
Posts: 1066
Joined: Thu Mar 17, 2005 6:14 am
Instruments: acoustic guitar, electric guitar, synth, various MIDI instruments
Recording Method: Reaper, Line 6 POD, GLS Audio 57 and 58
Submitting as: noah mclaughlin, Ford's Theater Disaster, Juliet's Happy Dagger
Location: atlanta, ga
Contact:

Re: Nur Ein VII: Round One

Post by nyjm »

Alvis wrote:I get the idea you donn't apologize for much in Nur Ein, but this is a notable exception.
I have to say, this is mighty big and right proper of you. People can put on big airs and snarl when you call them on crap, and it's quite refreshing to see someone acknowledge and sincerely apologize.

*Hands BYD a Special Commendation for Good Sportsmanship*
"You sound like the ghost of David Bowie." - SchlimminyCricket | it was a pleasure to burn | my website | Juliet's Happy Dagger
User avatar
Rabid Garfunkel
Jump
Posts: 2468
Joined: Sat Sep 25, 2004 12:43 pm
Instruments: Absurdity
Recording Method: iPhone, GarageBand & rando apps/toys
Submitting as: OZYMANDIPUS, Rabid Garfunkel, Primitive Screwheads
Pronouns: that guy
Location: Portland, Oregon
Contact:

Re: Nur Ein VII: Round One

Post by Rabid Garfunkel »

j$: Yup. Don't do whole step neighboring notes as a round is what I take away from this.

Geoff: "Sometimes you eat the b'ar, and sometimes the b'ar eats you."
"Urban cartoon music." -- Paco Del Stinko
Be my friend? --- Song of the Day
User avatar
Caravan Ray
bono
bono
Posts: 8647
Joined: Sat Sep 25, 2004 1:51 pm
Instruments: Penis
Recording Method: Garageband
Submitting as: Caravan Ray,G.O.R.T.E.C,Lyricburglar,The Thugs from the Scallop Industry
Location: Toowoomba, Queensland
Contact:

Re: Nur Ein VII: Round One

Post by Caravan Ray »

supremeedible wrote:
j$ wrote:Gooey - I really like the chord sequence. I read the words before hearing the song, and I took an anti-democratic interpretation from it (probably wrong, all I can say if so is - maybe you want to consider the danger of how your abstract message comes across to idiots like me) - This is a massivley catchy song that doesn't outstay its welcome, but my own prejudice / interpretation is stopping me putting it top. That's likely my problem.
I certainly wrote it with politics in mind. Our right wing party, which is currently in power, is bent on "bringing down the walls" and turning New Zealand into just another country that bows to America and China for no real reason. This strikes me as particularly odd because they happen to be called "National".

I think once a song is in the hands of the listeners, it should mean to them what it means to them, though. I don't think it's important to try to shield the song from unofficial interpretations. Thanks for the review!
So, your song is about my mate here?
Image
User avatar
roymond
Beat It
Posts: 5188
Joined: Sat Sep 25, 2004 3:42 pm
Instruments: Guitars, Bass, Vocals, Logic
Recording Method: Logic X, MacBookPro, Focusrite Scarlett 2i2
Submitting as: roymond, Dangerous Croutons, Intentionally Left Bank, Moody Vermin
Pronouns: he/him
Location: brooklyn
Contact:

Re: Nur Ein VII: Round One

Post by roymond »

My reviews are here, as a PDF
roymond.com | songfights | covers
"Any more chromaticism and you'll have to change your last name to Wagner!" - Frankie Big Face
frankie big face
Ice Cream Man
Posts: 1941
Joined: Sat Sep 25, 2004 12:26 pm
Instruments: Vocals, Bass, Guitar, Saxophone, Flute, Keyboard, Violin, Other Stuff
Recording Method: Logic, UAD Apollo Twin, aging iMac
Submitting as: frankie big face
Location: Lancaster, PA
Contact:

Re: Nur Ein VII: Round One

Post by frankie big face »

roymond wrote:My reviews are here, as a PDF
Am I insane or am I the only one who heard the hidden message in BGM's song at the end? Something to the effect of "it's our fate you're sealing." Roy's review makes me thing people may have missed the coolest thing about the song.
User avatar
bgm
Somebody Get Me A Doctor
Posts: 153
Joined: Sun Oct 24, 2010 6:40 pm
Instruments: guitars, vocals, some drums, some keys, various shaky things
Recording Method: Logic
Submitting as: bgm, 73 Keep It Beautiful, From A Basement
Pronouns: he/him
Location: Toronto
Contact:

Re: Nur Ein VII: Round One

Post by bgm »

frankie big face wrote:Am I insane or am I the only one who heard the hidden message in BGM's song at the end? Something to the effect of "it's our fate you're sealing."
Ding ding ding!
User avatar
JonPorobil
Beat It
Posts: 5682
Joined: Sat Sep 25, 2004 11:45 am
Instruments: Piano, Guitar, Harmonica, Mandolin, Accordion, Bass, lots of VSTs
Recording Method: Cubase 10.5
Submitting as: Jon Eric, Jon Porobil, others
Pronouns: He/Him
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Contact:

Re: Nur Ein VII: Round One

Post by JonPorobil »

frankie big face wrote:
roymond wrote:My reviews are here, as a PDF
Am I insane or am I the only one who heard the hidden message in BGM's song at the end? Something to the effect of "it's our fate you're sealing." Roy's review makes me thing people may have missed the coolest thing about the song.
I certainly didn't miss it. BGM was the top of my list specifically because of it. And I know irwin didn't miss it either, because we were talking about it in the IRC room last night.
"Warren Zevon would be proud." -Reve Mosquito

Stages, an album of about dealing with loss, anxiety, and grieving a difficult year, now available on Bandcamp and all streaming platforms! https://jonporobil.bandcamp.com/album/stages
User avatar
Manhattan Glutton
Ice Cream Man
Posts: 1530
Joined: Tue Feb 15, 2005 12:10 pm
Instruments: Angst
Recording Method: REAPER
Location: Madison, WI
Contact:

Re: Nur Ein VII: Round One

Post by Manhattan Glutton »

So uh, I wasn't expecting my song to do as well as it did. So thanks, particularly judges, for the constructive and positive feedback. It's encouraging, and maybe I'll revisit this one later to bring it up to my own standards.
If I had a dollar for every one of my songs j$ has called a 90s pastiche, I'd have $1 for every song I've written.

Nur Ein Archives | The New Ugly Podcast
frankie big face
Ice Cream Man
Posts: 1941
Joined: Sat Sep 25, 2004 12:26 pm
Instruments: Vocals, Bass, Guitar, Saxophone, Flute, Keyboard, Violin, Other Stuff
Recording Method: Logic, UAD Apollo Twin, aging iMac
Submitting as: frankie big face
Location: Lancaster, PA
Contact:

Re: Nur Ein VII: Round One

Post by frankie big face »

bgm wrote:
frankie big face wrote:Am I insane or am I the only one who heard the hidden message in BGM's song at the end? Something to the effect of "it's our fate you're sealing."
Ding ding ding!
Yeah, that was very cool, dude. I was impressed.
User avatar
BoffoYux
Panama
Posts: 908
Joined: Tue Jan 11, 2011 9:22 pm
Instruments: Keys, Clunking, SFX and Strings
Recording Method: Audacity, Adobe, and other 'A' titled software
Submitting as: Boffo Yux Dudes
Location: New England
Contact:

Re: Nur Ein VII: Round One

Post by BoffoYux »

Alvis wrote:
j$ wrote:WAIL (and before the final scores were totted


BYD - Apart from the "haha! Rude words! isn't being gay funny?" embarrassment, I actually like this weird clash of electro & Jazz. I do feel like I got into hot tub time machine. That's not a bad singing voice, and I like the variety on last time out. But at heart I am struggling with the pointless use of the word "gay". Maybe that's because I am.
First of all, thanks for the kind words on the song.

You're absolutely right about the "gay" usage. It was a bad rhyme/joke (the joke being that the guy is so desperate to hook up with this woman that he wants to assure her he's TOTALLY available and into her...basically horrible at flirting.)

Homophobia is despicable in all forms and I truly apologize. As Spinal Tap says, "there's a fine line between clever and stupid". Or offensive.
I had to go back and figure out where we were homophobic. Yeah, the intent wasn't to slam gay people, but show how awkward the guy is in picking up a girl. If you read into it that way, That wasn't the angle we were headed down.

Granted, I'd say we lose a few points for rhyming anything with 'gay' since it was a little to on the nose for the obvious rhyme to I.M. Pei. Hindsight is a cruel bitch some days.
User avatar
EvelBist
Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love
Posts: 97
Joined: Fri Jan 27, 2012 12:06 pm
Instruments: alienation disgust virtue
Recording Method: Reaper/Roland QuadCapture/AddictiveDrums
Submitting as: New Image, Sausage
Location: New Mexico, USA
Contact:

Re: Nur Ein VII: Round One

Post by EvelBist »

j$ wrote:Sausage - I can't quite nail the 80's reference I want to make - which is a compliment. Maybe an under-arranged very late period SoM.
SoM?
frankie big face
Ice Cream Man
Posts: 1941
Joined: Sat Sep 25, 2004 12:26 pm
Instruments: Vocals, Bass, Guitar, Saxophone, Flute, Keyboard, Violin, Other Stuff
Recording Method: Logic, UAD Apollo Twin, aging iMac
Submitting as: frankie big face
Location: Lancaster, PA
Contact:

Re: Nur Ein VII: Round One

Post by frankie big face »

EvelBist wrote:
j$ wrote:Sausage - I can't quite nail the 80's reference I want to make - which is a compliment. Maybe an under-arranged very late period SoM.
SoM?
I'm going to assume he means Sisters of Mercy, but he could mean Sound of Music. You never know with the English. ;)
User avatar
EvelBist
Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love
Posts: 97
Joined: Fri Jan 27, 2012 12:06 pm
Instruments: alienation disgust virtue
Recording Method: Reaper/Roland QuadCapture/AddictiveDrums
Submitting as: New Image, Sausage
Location: New Mexico, USA
Contact:

Re: Nur Ein VII: Round One

Post by EvelBist »

frankie big face wrote:
EvelBist wrote:
j$ wrote:Sausage - I can't quite nail the 80's reference I want to make - which is a compliment. Maybe an under-arranged very late period SoM.
SoM?
I'm going to assume he means Sisters of Mercy, but he could mean Sound of Music. You never know with the English. ;)
if he did mean them, i just listened to 'black planet'. i'm stunned, the lyrics are about the southern cal coast. thats just where i was centering this week's songfight entry "fat man". how coinkidink.
JoAnn Abbott
Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love
Posts: 26
Joined: Mon Apr 16, 2012 5:18 pm
Submitting as: Menage A Tune

Re: Nur Ein VII: Round One

Post by JoAnn Abbott »

Roymond- thanks for the review. I don't really understand most of it though. "This is academic and dangerously liturgical, but
not a parody. That confuses me."
Academic? I was going for traditional round- I have been into historical recreation with the SCA for years, so that is what I think of- rounds such as Rose; Hey, Ho, nobodies home, My lady and her maid, the quadratic formula...ok that last one would be academic I guess. And "dangerously liturgical, but not a parody"? What is so dangerous about liturgical songs? Why would you expect it to be a parody if it WAS a liturgical song? Or are "straight" liturgical/Christian songs not generally ever done around here? Of course, I have eclectic tastes in music- my iPod includes about 50 medieval musical styles including gregorian chants from a class I took in college on the subject. Very calming to listen to when stuck in traffic.
Still trying to understand the roache girl reference, guess I better go google it.
Thanks!
Post Reply