Nein VIII

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skypup
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Nein VIII

Post by skypup »

Eliminated from Nur Ein? Be a badass and keep writing songs. This is a place for you to put them. I'll start:

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Re: Nein VIII

Post by Eric Y. »

I'll try to remember to check back here after the deadline and check out anything that has shown up by then.
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Re: Nein VIII

Post by j$ »

Aye, I will add any song here to my reviews. In fact -

Sky Pup - Mix issues aside (is there any bass? All the instruments sound separated, rather than a warm co-joining. The guitar is too distant in the mix, a cardinal sin with metal, I feel.) I really enjoyed this. It had a sense of fun, of not taking itself too seriously, yet some of that riffing was really catchy. That last "ooooooooh" garnered many bonus points from me. I doubt I would have put this in the relegation spots had you been in the competition (although obviously that's impossible to call until I hear the other entries). The song gave off a very satisfying sense of enjoying the challenge.
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Re: Nein VIII

Post by iVeg »

After several false starts, including a much funnier "Down to Underwear" idea, here's the iVeg submission for "Down to Under"

[EDIT: Probably easier to just listen to it on MySpace.]
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Re: Nein VIII

Post by j$ »

IVeg - Sorry that pazses me by a little. Bits I like - the double-tracked solo thingy (especially with the descending bass behind it) and the energy of the vocal performance. Things I don't - the melody isn't particularly memorable and not following the lyric in the slightest - maybe that's the point, but mixed that high, to me it's begging to be heard and I'm not sure why. Is it some take on the movie "Descent"? I am struggling. There are a neat turn of phrase in there "Hippies (Hitler?) trashed the place so the ladder's remove"d (it would be better if it was Hitler) springs to mind" and " we climbed out where the ceiling caved in" work well enough in the context - but apart from cave-diving or whatever it's called, I'm not getting it from the words even on the third listen. And without the words, there's not much else for me but a passable pastiche of a genre of metal. Oh I suppose "extreme" sports generally come with a metal soundtrack? Anyway, this would have been bottom 3 in my votes (but not bottom) if you were in. Sorry to be negative - it's not a bad song, I just wonder why.

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Re: Nein VIII

Post by iVeg »

Thanks for the review. Yes, it's a song about 3 caves/ spelunking. I lost you on lyrics to IDWAATT, too. So I have a few things to work on this week.
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Re: Nein VIII

Post by j$ »

Or maybe I do! I am notoriously hard to please on lyrics so I wouldn't read too much into it, apart from don't assume your audience is as smart and clued up as you?

I'll continue reviewing honestly here as long as the songs keep coming., You may not want me weighing in, but they will be my honest (moronic) opinion, for better or for worse.
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Re: Nein VIII

Post by iVeg »

I will post lyrics for Firestorm. My sister didn't get D2U either, and she's been in at least 1, maybe 2 of those caves. So it's a communication thing to work on.

Please review honestly. You were willing to listen to one of my songs THREE times to figure out lyrics. Even if I don't agree with you, I still appreciate what you have to say. And there's enough stuff I have to work on to keep me busy for years...
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Re: Nein VIII

Post by Mysteria »

I think its awesome that you are choosing to still participate in this manner. I'll offer my comments as well, but please know that no matter if I liked your song(s) or not, I deeply appreciate what it takes to create something and respect your entry regardless of my personal taste. I've listened to both of your songs a few times now, and overall, enjoyed much of what I heard.

Skypup - the underlying tone of the song has a good energy and I like the raspy, throaty vocals. If anything, they could have been just a tad less clean for my tastes, but it wasn't jarring. The guitar sounded a touch to high/prominent at times to truly fit with the song, but overall this is something I would listen to again. Nice job!

Inflatable Vegetables - Damn! The opening of this reminds me of the style of from my very favorite hair metal genre and I can't place it specifically (probably because it is only reminiscent and I am blending two bands together in my head); but its definitely someone I like so it's all good. This says "fun, energetic, makings of an anthem-ish tune" to me. The lyrics lose me a little as they are a touch too clear when it comes to enunciation but not as clear with the meaning. I think I would prefer the vocals to be just a tiny bit more careless in the delviery and the subject matter be a little more obvious; I get the topic of the cave exploration (and love the mention of TN - I lived in the Smokies for a couple of years) but I just don't know enough about the topic to really understand the song or to feel like I am understanding what I am hearing even if it turns out I am actually following it. Again, nice job - despite my struggle with the lyrics I would listen to this again.
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Re: Nein VIII

Post by iVeg »

Wow. Thanks so much. Hoping to have a version of "Firestorm", with understandable lyrics :)
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Re: Nein VIII

Post by iVeg »

FIRESTORM with falsetto. I'll maybe load it to myspace later. Beach time!
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Re: Nein VIII

Post by iVeg »

very short Weekend in the City

[edit] added wrong file.
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Re: Nein VIII

Post by j$ »

IV, e.g. -

Firetorm - well, if you're going the unimaginative route of falsetto=disco, you could do worse than this. Makt the discomakere 101 backing track fatter (much fatter - has this song been mastered) - drop the falsetto talking - it meets the definition, but it adds absolutely nothing apart from making you sound a bit differently abled. That chorus is FOR THE WIN. In fact this is a great song slightly clumsily arranged and poorly arranged. This is where I wish I had any skills in mastering so I could say "hey send me those tracks and I'll make them sparkle!" Sadly, I'm not that guy.

WITC - Cute. I think the vocal is slightly loud in the mix. The arrangement of the bv is clever but oh sweet jesus is it out of tune! Almost unbearable to listen to (on headphones at least) - everything is in the right place, but I'd have another go and turning those BVs into something high, but not quite that high. The lurch into a different tempo at the end is a little disorientating - I'm not sure how you could "foreshadow" its arrival in such a short song; maybe start the song with a shortened instrumental version of it that leads you into the tune proper? Anyway, as I hope has been coming across from my reviews of your songs, i love the energy, the surplus of ideas, and the clever approach to song wrtiing and construction. You could possibly benefit from working with a songwriting partner who you trust, at least for a while, cos I think improving your technique would improve the overall quality without diminishing that spark of creativity that is your most attractive quality. Well, I say most attractive - who knows? Maybe you've got the cutest eyelashes or something :)
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Re: Nein VIII

Post by iVeg »

Thanks for spending so much time to review my Nein entries.

Mastering. None of my songs have been mastered. With my constraints, I'm lucky to even get more than one or two takes, or even mix. Glad you like the Firestorm chorus. Your reviews have pushed me to make my lyrics tighter. Thank you. Mastering will have to wait it's turn. Maybe this week, maybe next.

Slightly clumsily arranged, poorly arranged... Was one of those supposed to be something else? Poorly mixed, maybe, or poorly mastered?

WITC. Yeah, I tend to always have the vocals too hot. BGVs. I started recording them Sunday about 30 minutes before deadline. I exported an unmixed mp3 at 1 minute before deadline. [Put up a barely mixed version after deadline]. The basic tempo is the same, but the meter change makes it feel lurchy. I'm not sure how to foreshadow it, either...

Again, thank you for the reviews. After many years of not writing any music, it is great to go from my very-sloppy-so-bad-I didn't-even-post-it "You've Got to be Kind", to compliments on writing, even if the execution and mixing still need a lot of work.

I wasn't sure I was going to do "Hold On", out of respect for Paco and Carlo... but I've already got melody, chord structure, rhythm guitar ideas, some lyric ideas... and it's not even Sunday morning. :D
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Re: Nein VIII

Post by j$ »

iVeg wrote:Thanks for spending so much time to review my Nein entries.

Slightly clumsily arranged, poorly arranged... Was one of those supposed to be something else? Poorly mixed, maybe, or poorly mastered? :D
Yep, speed-typing in a cocaine frenzy would do that to any semblance of sense :) I meant poorly mastered.

Seriously there is buncha good stuff in all these songs and I am far from a production fight proponent, I am just asking if for you mastering and arrangement are proficiencies to be mastered like playing the guitar to ace, shredding level, or things not to be worried about. It's a different answer for everyone and there isn't only one right one.
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Re: Nein VIII

Post by iVeg »

Well, here goes... Hold On. Final Nur Ein VIII Nein! entry.

It's been so long for me, that mastering was what the engineers at the cd duplicating factory did. Not the artist. They only mixed.

I guess my priorities right now are
1. Try to get good source material [melody, lyrics, vox, guitars, bass, etc.]
2. Improve mixing [like the bridge vox got way too loud... again... but I have other things I need to do today.]
3. Find a good drummer who can keep to click and has time to do "silly" projects like this. I know... a bunch, but they're super busy, or I lost touch with them, or they moved. Loops and programming don't do what I want them to do, fast enough. So this may remain a weak area for [unknown time period].
4. Mastering.

Actually, those aren't my REAL priorities at all. Only the musical ones.
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Re: Nein VIII

Post by BoffoYux »

IVeg -

I'm sorry I missed this - I would have played it at the LP!

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Re: Nein VIII

Post by jast »

iVeg - Hold On
- Solid writing and arrangement (melody and progressions feel perfectly natural; arrangement supports the song's development), though I suppose the chorus could have been dialed up more (it's already sufficiently distinguished from the verses, but maybe an electric organ or something to replace one or two of the guitars?). You can do more for development in the same way, too: if the same part repeats later, change up the arrangement a little. Helps make the song more interesting throughout. You can tell a story with just the development of the song.
- Timing feels a bit uneven (most notably rhythm guitar vs. drums). Record more multitrack songs, paying a bit of attention to this (but not significantly more than a bit!), and you'll get pretty good at timing in no time.
- The weakest part are the vocals, due to suboptimal technique. Great vocals are hard, and so is improving technique, so that's perfectly understandable. Everything else is Good Enough™ or better. Mind you, the vocals aren't bad, but they aren't exactly marketable material either. As always, that's not an inherent limitation of your voice, it just means that there's more potential for improvement. And that's what we're all about, isn't it?
-- As an aside: technically well-performed vocals are not easier to do when you're singing quietly (unless you're going for whispery). You still have to "keep the voice together" (so that it doesn't sound wimpy), and that takes the same technique as "normal" vocals but applied with a somewhat different balance. This isn't meant as concrete advice, just something that I felt like mentioning.
- The second-weakest part is the drums. You already know that. Doesn't seriously detract from the song, though. Given the sparseness of the drum rhythm, it might have been worth a shot giving the drums a bit more of a front seat in the mix.
- The mix is a bit mushy, but not badly so, thanks to the good arrangement (the tracks aren't fighting for dominance much). Remember that each track doesn't have to sound great on its own, so you can often cut away surprisingly much without making the overall mix sound thin. I find myself high-passing many tracks (not all of them extremely so, though).
- The way you mixed in the background vocals isn't the way I would have done it, but it works very well for the overall mood of this song. Nice!
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Re: Nein VIII

Post by iVeg »

BoffoYux wrote:IVeg -

I'm sorry I missed this - I would have played it at the LP!

Tommy G
No. It was right to be all about the finals of the different Nur Eins.

Thanks for the review, jast. Lots of helpful ideas.
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