Billy's Little Trip wrote:A guy walks into a bar carrying a set of battery jumper cables. The bartender says ' you can drink in here but don't go startin nothin
"Jumper Cables" was also a drink, rum and coke made with Jolt Cola and 151 Rum.
Charles
"...one does not write in dactylic hexameter purely by accident..." - poetic designs
Billy's Little Trip wrote:What is this, "rip on Chris' jokes" day? I don't write'em folks, I just regurgitate them.
Believe it or not - both of those (the termite and the jumper cables) made me laugh. Especially the termite.
Here's on of the very few jokes that I can remember:
A piece of string walks into a bar. The barman says: "Oi you - we don't let pieces of string in this bar - piss off"
So the piece of string goes outside again, ties a knot in himself and ruffles up his ends.
He walks bak into the bar and the barmen looks at him and says, "Aren't you a piece of string?"
The piece of string says, "'frayed knot"
A man was sent to prison and, as soon as he entered his cell, his huge, buff cellmate said, "First off, we're gonna play house. Do you want to be the Mommy or the Daddy?" After careful consideration, the man slowly answered, "Well, if I have to choose, I guess I'll be the Daddy." "Okay," said his new cellmate, "get over here and suck Mommy's d¡ck!"
A farmer named John gets what he thinks is a great deal on 25 pigs, whom he intends to let breed freely to increase his herd and multiply his profits. He never raised pigs before, but had a good spot of land he wasn't using, so thought he'd give it a shot. Much to his dismay, after getting them all home, he realises they're all females, and he has no boars. He calls up his friend Cleatus a few miles down the road and asks if he can bring them over and let his boar Boris go at it for a while with them, Cleatus agrees. So, after loading them all into the truck again, he drives the short distance to the friend's farm, unloads them, and lets them roam around for a while. Almost immediately, the boar smells them and starts going crazy. He watches the horny little bastard frolic around and breed with every single pig, some twice. "Wow, that's some boar you got there!" he says to Cleatus as he's loading his sows back into the truck. "Yeah, he's a virile old boy all right." replies Cleatus. "Hopefully some of them are knocked up- say, I've never done this before, Cleatus, how can you tell?" "Well," says Cleatus, "If tomorrow morning, you see some of them out in the field eating grass and shrubs, I can almost guarantee that they are pregnant." John says thanks for the advice and use of his boar, and heads home.
The next morning, excited, he runs and looks out the window to see if any are in the field grazing... disappointment, they're all in the barn still. He phones up old Cleatus and asks if he could maybe try again, and Cleatus says "Sure, my boy Boris had a great time. Bring 'em on over." So John load the truck up, drives over, lets them out and before he's even in the house, Boris is nailing one of the sows, hard.
Next morning, still nothing. This cycle gets repeated a few times more, always with unsatisfactory results. Cleatus complains that all his boar does is sleep lately, he thinks the sows are wearing him out. John decides to go another auction and try to buy a few boars himself to make things a bit easier, so he tells his wife "I'll be gone for a couple days, if you get up and see any of the sows in the field grazing, call me right away!" and he sets off. At six a.m. the next morning, his cell phone rings, and it's his wife, she's hysterical. "What happened?! Are they in the field grazing?!" he asks, hopeful. "No! They're all in the truck, and one is honking the horn!"
I can't believe I just typed that stupid joke out.
Here's a slightly funnier farming joke which I came across today:
A man goes to see his psychologist. "Doc, you gotta help me," he said. "I'm in love with a horse." The psychologist asks, "Is it a male or a female horse?" The man replies, "Female, of course! I'm not a fucking FAG."
