Stab Stab Stab Stab (Shower Scene Reviews)

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j$
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Stab Stab Stab Stab (Shower Scene Reviews)

Post by j$ » Sun Oct 10, 2004 10:02 am

I know I'm starting this early, but I'm away from tomorrow for a week, and I wanted to post a little caveat.

The Johnny Grippo song this week is parental advisory, in subject matter and lyrical content. There is a little warning at the beginning of the song followed by a five second gap, so you can press stop if you don't want to hear it.

Johnny Grippo in no way endorses nor participates in the activities described in the song. We are merely celebrating the diversity of the world around us.

You can think what you like about the song, but don't say we didn't warn you :)

j$
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Re: Stab Stab Stab Stab (Shower Scene Reviews)

Post by Poor June » Mon Oct 11, 2004 4:50 pm

j$ wrote:I know I'm starting this early, but I'm away from tomorrow for a week, and I wanted to post a little caveat.

The Johnny Grippo song this week is parental advisory, in subject matter and lyrical content. There is a little warning at the beginning of the song followed by a five second gap, so you can press stop if you don't want to hear it.

Johnny Grippo in no way endorses nor participates in the activities described in the song. We are merely celebrating the diversity of the world around us.

You can think what you like about the song, but don't say we didn't warn you :)

j$
i'm already a lil' woozy about hearin' it... but one thing is for sure... it'll deffinately be different... and somethin' out of the norm
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Post by joshw » Wed Oct 13, 2004 11:22 am

Whee, a tiny fight!

Scoring Key: (Production, Performance, Song)

Johnny Grippo (7, 6, 6)

Very slow to kick off. The verse doesn't really kick things off much with the ivy-vee repetition. By the middle of the second verse, the music has bored me quite a bit and I'm doing my best to ignore the lyrics. Some clipping on the loud notes. Give me Front's "Yellow Lasers" over this any day.

Tony Hightower (8, 8, 7)

Nice jazziness, and great voice. Great bg vox. My attention starts straying by 1:30 or so. Very nice song. I find that I didn't quite get the meaning of the lyrics the first time around, and that may change, but if you had bowled me over lyrically this would be a killer song. Maybe just a little too subtle for me after fighting all day with an OS install. :)

fwc (4, 7, 7)

The production stinks but you know that already. I like your voice. The parts where the guitar drops out ("show me please" for instance) are nice. The production is making it very hard to understand your words, and unfortunately the music isn't interesting enough to carry this on its own. I like the ebb and flow of intensity, that keeps this interesting. Great chord change at 2:55. Awesome ending. I'd bet this is a better song that you're going to get credit for, but the production really hurts you here.

MC whatever.. (5, 6, 5)

Nope, sorry.

Josh Woodward (me)

Something a little different. This was one of those rare occasions when I was able to get in the head of the character and say exactly what I wanted to say.

And it's Tony for me.
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Post by Tony Asbestos » Wed Oct 13, 2004 1:44 pm

Shower Scene Reviews

Johnny Grippo - Water. The beat isn't doing much for me. By "beat" I don't mean everything besides the vocals- only the drum machine. I like the sparseness on verse 2. An interesting song about an underrepresented topic. B-

Tony Hightower- I like those type of descending chord changes. Nice backing vox. Will this be a pretty little song or will it aspire to more? Could be a remake of a 100 year old barbershop song. Nice enough, performed well. UH- shouldn't this be in "Start Over"? B

fwc - fun with chocolate? freaky welsh comedians? The guitar skills are clearly not on par with the vocals. OK, there is a little variation there in the dynamics. Your voice is good, you need something more interesting to back it up. C

Josh Woodward- Poor old Janet Leigh. As always, good use of dynamics. The synth that comes in is a nice touch. The lyrics are clever. Would be an A+ if it rocked... A-

MC Crapalot feat. Klemmy- You can flow pretty nicely. I know it's not the thing in rap lately, but you might want to enunciate better. The double tracked vocal part is cool. Some variety in the backing track wouldn't hurt, either. B-

Looks like the young upstart JW takes this one.
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Post by Richard WreckdoM » Wed Oct 13, 2004 2:28 pm

Here's my reviews for this surprisingly small fight.

Josh Woodward - I really don't see the appeal here. It sounds like Josh. I've recently heard a lot of "Worst Josh Woodward ever." I think this is actually it.

MC Crapalot & Klemmy - Not for me. This went nowhere and didn't sound very good.

FWC - Bed time for little Mac. This seems like especially crappy guytar. I would recommend playing along with some sort of a beat, even if you lift it out later, at least you'll stay on time.

Johnny Grippo - That's one heckuva piss. This is catchy. I think you have my vote thus far. Ooh, Golden shower scene. Vote!
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Post by joshw » Wed Oct 13, 2004 2:34 pm

Richard WreckdoM wrote:Josh Woodward - "Worst Josh Woodward ever."
Yay! I know I'm on the right track when you say it's my worst song ever. Best SF compliment ever! ;-)
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Post by Mogosagatai » Wed Oct 13, 2004 2:47 pm

<b>Tony Hightower:</b> This is how most cheesy old lounge songs should've been done. What a nice, relaxing sway. This is reminiscent of barber shop quartets, too, which is cool, especially since it actually isn't a cappella. Very nicely done.

<b>Josh Woodward:</b> Beautiful piano. Nothing really wrong here. Good job.

<b>fwc:</b> Immediately, I'm let down by the static and the muffled, sloppy, out of tune guitar. This is pretty boring.

<b>Johnny Grippo:</b> Ohhh....that's supposed to be a shower running. Sure sounds like peeing, though. Or is it a golden shower?? I haven't bothered to keep up with the vocals. You need to bring out the rockin' guitars and drums, and change your vocals to match the rock. That, or drop the rock pretense all together and let the music match your generally softer style.

<b>MC Crapalot feat. Klemmy:</b> Decent beat, but, as surely you realize, really lame rapping.

*********************************************

This easily comes down to either Hightower or Woodward.

That's a hard one. I'll get back to you later, after much listening.
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Post by Eric Y. » Wed Oct 13, 2004 4:59 pm

FWC - the guitar rhythm thing isn't so great. the softer, sparser, strumming thing while you are singing is nice though. and you sing nicely as well. about a minute from the end the guitar part sounds pretty good too but it would help if you could adjust the relative volumes -- i.e. make the guitar stand out less and the singing a little bit more. i don't really like the ending.

johnny+grippo - the guitar has kind of a raunchy tone to it, and i don't mean that in a good way. i like the bass part and the various voices when they say "digging the shower scene" (i'm pretty sure that's what it says). also: i didn't notice the caveat you advertised at the beginning of this thread.

josh woodward - when the piano comes in it sounds really great. the talking/singing sounds really whiny though, i don't think the tone of it fits with the music at all.

mc crapalot and lemmy - i had to listen to this one again because it went the whole way through without me paying any attention to it, and i hardly even noticed it had been on. that said, i guess it isn't really a good sign that nothing here really grabbed me.

tony hightower - well apparantly this song was submitted to the wrong fight, but i'm really glad it was. i didn't really dig on any of the other submissions very much so this gives me something to vote for, unless the fightmasters move it to the other fight.

:roll:
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Post by j$ » Thu Oct 14, 2004 4:07 am

tviyh wrote:the guitar has kind of a raunchy tone to it, and i don't mean that in a good way.
How can a raunchy guitar tone not be good? Especially is a song about sexual arousal? :)

The sample is indeed someone having a pee. A long pee. A ridiculously, hilariously long pee.

J$
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Post by Chico » Thu Oct 14, 2004 6:28 am

I'd like to formally change the name of my song to "Shower Scene."

It's about a fellow who's trying to wash his last flame out of his hair, with not much success, while having an apocalypse fantasy.

In the shower.

Seriously. Don't worry about moving it now (and I'm not just saying this because this is a small fight).

Reviews to come (I'm still sobering up - I went to a debate party last night and stayed out way too late.)
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Post by Chico » Fri Oct 15, 2004 7:45 am

A full day and a half since someone posted even a comment to this thread that wasn't me?

Jesus, people.

If I'm the only one listening, I'll review my song first. Yes, these are wordy. Because I tried.


Tony Hightower - I originally wrote this with serious harmony, and no instrumentation. But then I bought Brian Wilson's Smile this week, and I had houseguests, and I really like the chords and the way they sounded, and so I pulled a few melody lines out and ran it as is. (It did belong in Start Over, but now that it's here, that's cool for me if it is for you.)

Now.

Josh Woodward - The line about prunes is a little awkward, but aside from that, this is lovely. If I was still working in the industry, I'd be crying my little eyes out at this. But -- *sigh* -- maybe it should get more hopeful at the end. I'm not saying that a truly sad song about someone who finds themselves in a hateful job is a bad thing -- in a way, you've written a Psycho VI-ized version of CCR's "Lodi" -- but I am saying that emotionally, this is a bit monochrome. Note that I'm not talking about the actual dynamic of the song itself, which is fantastic. But just a little boost at the end would make this into something you could send to radio.

MC Crapalot - It's a decent rhythm, and it fills the ears (that shooka-shooka-shooka sound enhances the thing nicely), but there's one thing that kind of kills it for me, and it's pretty fundamental: the rap and the beats don't line up. Rhymes fall way off the end of the line, Crapalot has to wait for the One to come back way too often, the accent falls too often on the wrong syllable. I found that the second time through, even just reading the lyrics for the first time, I was able to drop the words into the beats better than that. And I suck at this. Maybe just a second take or something. Sorry to be harsh, but everything else can go wrong and if the words are tied to the beats, you've really got something. But without that, and with no second section to throw to every once in a while, you ain't there.

Johnny Grippo - Oh, dear. There are some good touches in this. The wispiest backing vocals sounds like Little Frank Sidebottom, which made me smile. "Wet penny in your pocket" is a cute line. And the sample makes me feel like I'm right there beside you in the Gents'. This is definitely the best song about peeing on someone since Dave Chappelle parodied R. Kelly.

The quibbles I have (You tend to fling your voice at the notes, and you often miss; the rhythms of your vocals and some of the instruments don't line up with the drum tracks; you're cramming lines into spaces they don't really fit ("to make better use of both your kidneys"? The word "both" could go, which might help)) are not really that big a deal. I get the feeling this wasn't so much for voting on as it was for, um, getting out of your system. And I'm glad you did that, Mister Toilet.

Also, Golden Shower Scene is a good name for a band.

FWC - This sounds like it was recorded by Stephen Stills at 7:30 in the morning some time in 1973 after an all-night bender where the drunk and the pills are wearing off and all his friends have either passed out or given up on him and taken off and all he feels is this gaping pit of loneliness, and even that's fading as he thinks about where he used to be and how he used to be somebody, remember Woodstock, man? No, not really, but still, man what a time that was, you know? And really, what the hell else can he do except pat his fingers against the strings of this guitar that somehow hasn't slid out of what's left of his bloated addled soiled lap and sing some song he sort of half-remembers while he slowly fades off into unconsciousness, not knowing or caring where he really his. But in a good way.
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Post by Andy Balham » Fri Oct 15, 2004 9:37 am

Chico wrote:Johnny Grippo The wispiest backing vocals sounds like Little Frank Sidebottom
Bobbins! :D
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Post by j$ » Fri Oct 15, 2004 5:44 pm

Chico wrote:Johnny Grippo - The wispiest backing vocals sounds like Little Frank Sidebottom, ... "Wet penny in your pocket" is a cute line. And the sample makes me feel like I'm right there beside you in the Gents'. ... you're cramming lines into spaces they don't really fit .
Frank Sidebottom = very good reference! I love space and science fiction, and so does my good friend Brian Dixon ...

Wet Penny in yr Pocket = first piss reference I could find in the dictionary of rude that is Roger Mellie's Profanisaraus.

Cramming lines = yes. I find it funny when words are crammed where words shouldn't go. It makes the mood a little bit creepier and frantic.

What you're hearing is drunken post-band practice J$ forcing his collaborators to make something up as we went along to fit these words I had written. I would like to say again I am left 'cold' by the whole watersports thing personally, but with a title like that, and an overriding desire to cram the phrase 'mister toilet' into a song, it had to be. The mix was done in an hung-over hour the next day, and that time included recording myself having a pee ...

Too much information? :)

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Post by Andy Balham » Sun Oct 17, 2004 12:03 pm

And now the votes from the Balham jury:

fwc
The strumming isn't doing much for me, but your voice is good. Very reminiscent of Badly Drawn Boy for me. I would agree with previous reviewers in that there is probably a really good song in there to be brought out with better instrumentation. A little long for my tastes, but definitely a pleasant listen.

Johnny Grippo
I am really impressed with what you came up given the time and your hangover. Unfortunately, doing the backing vocals lodged this song in my head all week and especially in the shower. And since I contributed, my sense of fair play tells me I can't vote for it.

Josh Woodward
As usual the production is top notch, but we all could do with recording at 160kbps. The song isn't grabbing me, but whiny songs never really do. I would agree with Chico that it could do with a more hopeful note at the end.

MC Crapalot feat. Klemmy
Hmm. Speeding it up was kind of interesting, but it doesn't really add anything. Nothing really grabbed my attention.

Tony Hightower
A familiar sounding melody and sweet harmonies. Nice and short too.

Discounting Johnny Grippo, due to my British sensibilities, my top 3 is:
3. Josh Woodward
2. fwc
1. Tony Hightower
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Post by HeuristicsInc » Mon Oct 18, 2004 8:22 am

1: fwc
2: mc crap (it's not bad!), hightower, josh, johnny

johnny - i like it, except some of the stuff... er, the content,... er...
-bill
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Post by j$ » Mon Oct 18, 2004 8:28 am

HeuristicsInc wrote:1: fwc
2: mc crap (it's not bad!), hightower, josh, johnny

johnny - i like it, except some of the stuff... er, the content,... er...
-bill
Hehehe, it's OK, i knew it wouldn't be your bag :)
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Post by Poor June » Mon Oct 18, 2004 8:40 am

HeuristicsInc wrote:1: fwc
2: mc crap (it's not bad!), hightower, josh, johnny

johnny - i like it, except some of the stuff... er, the content,... er...
-bill
O_o hell has frozen over...

honestly if you liked that i think you'll like my mc crapalot song 'skank stank' a lot better
a preview to some of the lyrics

'i'll never have a bentley
two gold teef wit diamond studs
and cavasia to fill up on

check out my bracelt i got from goodwill
mr. bobbin' head doll that shakes
when i steer da wheel
look at my plastic spinners
that i got from wally world
and all the shit that makes my car go
sparkly sparkly sparkly sparkly'

haha... it's retarded but if you want it i'll send ya a link...

(i really don't like my mc crapalot songs much that's the only one that i have considered takin' it to a studio cause it's just so... well yea)...

anyways enough about that... i'll try to get around to reviews if i get the time... i've been tryin' to put together a demo... it's gonna take awhile before i have it all done and planned out and what not... cause i want the demo to be better mixed and much better production... so we'll see what happens (this is for my poor june project by the way)
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Post by j$ » Mon Oct 18, 2004 9:38 am

Short Reviews for a short fight. Imo. Written as I listen. Comedy out of 10 scores.

Tony Hightower - I posted my review of this in the wrong thread.

Awww, go on then - cute. Pretty. Nicely sung. Lyrically not leaping at me, but I would never vote for a song that wasn't written for the fight it was in, whatever you say. 7/10 but -10000 points for not getting this moved over to the correct fight when it was mis-posted.

Josh Woodward - well, what do you know? I dislike your piano ballads as much as I dislike your guitar ballads. No investment in the lyric for me. Blog blog blog. *shrug* JW/10.

FWC - Don't like the instrumental twang-down at c.2.00 minutes. Other than that see Tony Hightower Review minus the stuff about 'start over' twang/10.

MCs Crapalot & Denyer - You know the Duracell Bunny ads? Well you both sound like the bunnies that the Duracell Bunny beats. Robots trapped in perpetual shutdown. In a post-modern way i can appreciate that I suppose. More practically, I like the beat and there's some cool sounds going on but the lyric lacks the coherence, or maybe just an internal logic to make it funny. It's just a whole bunch of almost-funny phrases linked together in the hope (i imagine) that the whole will be bigger than the constituent parts. I don't think it works for me. C3P0/10.

Hmmmmm, that's a tough one. 3 competent songs in a style that doesn't move me, or R2D2 on a stairlift?

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Post by Chico » Mon Oct 18, 2004 11:14 am

Oh, great. So I get penalized for not causing extra work for the mods? Ach, that's the last time I don't complain.

Remember, you asked for it, Cashpoint! Taste the acrid urinary bouquet of my whinge as I splatter the tiles of this place with it! Ahhhhh, what a relief! I've been holding it in for so long! Ahhhhh....

Uh, barring that, I'll just take my -9993 points and, um, start over.
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Post by j$ » Tue Oct 19, 2004 1:14 am

Chico wrote:Remember, you asked for it, Cashpoint! Taste the acrid urinary bouquet of my whinge as I splatter the tiles of this place with it! Ahhhhh, what a relief! I've been holding it in for so long! Ahhhhh...
Does anyone have a tissue?
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Post by Poor June » Tue Oct 19, 2004 1:40 am

fwc: so far... nice intro riff... but really expected somethin' more then vox to come in towards the verse... you have a really nice voice... this is really pretty... just too much i can semi tell it was all live... which is respectable... just doesn't make it easy to listen 2... and it doesn't mix up enough for the time it's givin'... no extras... should work on mixin' some... it's not as hard as it seems... (reminds me of some of my earlier recordings back when i could still sing... now i chain smoke way too fuckin' much haha) really pretty voice... keep it up man... i really hope to hear some great stuff from you

johnny: hahaha pissin' in the toilet sound... that's tooooo much hahaha... some of the vox are a lil' off... but you of course know that... really all and all it's pretty good song... kind of an odd topic haha... but it was pretty well done... we should do another collab sometime (and none of the crapalot shit haha) tops pos. vote...

josh: really pretty piano... i love some of the more emotional soundin' parts... the piano gets kind of repetitive... but atleast it's some pretty chords to go with... love the lil' riff thing... (loved the kill this whole damn town part)... probably vote...

crap: ehhhh sorry again....

tonyhightower: haha crazy... very cool... sounds too familiar though... it's pretty... this is really good... i fear it just has too much familiarity for me to vote for it... i like your stuff though... tops

3.johnny
2.tonyhightower
1.josh
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