All Tan

[stueym]

Melolin, genetics, my birthright did me wrong
For when I’m sunbathing, 15 minutes is too long
If it weren’t for sun block 60, I’d be toast you see
For the radiance of the sun, just isnae kind tae me

But in my dreams I’m not so white and fair
In my dreams I don’t have thinning hair
Before the alarm clock sounds I’m a better man
In my Speedo showing me all tan

When Scotsmen go on Holidays, there’s a rule of thumb you see
To just go from blue tae white, take days not one but three
No matter how I baste, Hawaiian Tropic oil I drink
Instead of going bronze, I go Lobster Pink

But in my dreams I’m not so short and fat
In my dreams my belly’s taut and flat
Before the alarm clock sounds, I’m like Hasselhoff
In my Speedo showing me all tan

So sad I stand before you, the evidence is clear
That you can bathe me in oil, or drown me in beer
But no matter the lotion, the result is just the same
My pink badge of courage, also shows my shame

In my dreams I smell of suntan oil
In my dreams my skin just doesn’t boil
When all is said and done, there’s no white around my bum
Just me, all bare and all tan.

[nyjm]

all tan
- noah mclaughlin

I’m searching for a metaphor of those things I could not say
searching for a message to burn upon my skin
I’m searching for a hidden meaning in every glance in every silence
searching for those secrets you bury deep inside
I’m searching for a way to revel in you darkest skin
searching for the opal whites of your eyes

and it isn’t there, it isn’t there
there’s nothing left to say

you left me standing on the precipice of longing
you sent a word that all your friends could understand
but I don’t speak that language despite all my pretensions
you spoke in such rainbow - but all I heard was tan

I’m trying to find a way to lock up all those things I never meant
to feel about you and those stains upon your bed
I’m looking up and down the street you used to live on
testing out my memory of that spot outside your door
I searching for that magic word but nothing comes together right
it’s all just buried in those hues of your skin

and it isn’t there, it isn’t there
there’s nothing left to say

you love me standing on the precipice of longing
you sent a word that all your friends could understand
but I don’t speak that language despite all my pretensions
you spoke in such a rainbow - but all I heard was tan

[Nigel (spOOn) Clements]

All Tan by spOOn

All Tan the mighty
Robot from the future
Sent to deliver us
From console oppression
Meccano men will
Have this day
when we follow the
All Tan way
Constructs of the
Distant future
Lego and Playmobile
Must be joined
Building blocks
Not degradation
We all bow down
Robot insurrection

Heroes cower beneath his might
Governments concede without a fight
Up up and away says the mighty All Tan
He's the only one an anti-PS plan
People worship at his might
Relish the corporations plight
All Tan stops the ungodly trends
All Tan and his Airfix friends

We adore their little plastic bodies

Don't forget the polyurethane glue

Proper construction spells education
Encourages the imagination
Children thrive on intelligent toys
Duplo cannot be discounted (x4)

Playstation die
X-Box die
Nintendo Sega
You must die (x2)

There are no up down left right cheats with All Tan the mighty space-age robot!

[jb]

I got 50 pairs of pants and they're all tan
I got 50 pairs of pants and they're all tan
I got 50 pairs of pants and they're all tan
I got 50 pairs of pants and they're all tan
I won't wear no fucking kakhi, camel or sand
I got 50 pairs of pants and they're all tan

HARMONICA SOLO

I got 50 crazy women and they're all Ann
I got 50 crazy women and they're all Ann
I got 50 crazy women and they're all Ann
I got 50 crazy women and they're all Ann
I ain't fucking any Sallies, Bernices or Dianes
I got 50 crazy women and they're ALL NAMED ANN

BASS SOLO

I got a 50 inch schlong 'cause I'm all man
I got a 50 inch schlong 'cause I'm all man
I got a 50 inch schlong 'cause I'm all man
I got a 50 inch schlong 'cause I'm all man
Well you can try to hold it, but it takes two hands
I got a 50 inch schlong 'cause I'm ALL MAN

HARMONICA SOLO OR SOMETHING

SCREAMING NONSENSE

-END-

[Caravan Ray]

All Tan
- Caravan Ray

Caravan Ray! Caravan Ray! Oi! Oi! Oi!
Caravan Ray! Caravan Ray! Oi! Oi! Oi!
Take a look at my body
It's all tan and trim and toned
It's a beautiful body
I bet you'd like to take it home
Like the statue of David
but with a bit of Goliath thrown in
(you know what I'm talking about ladies)

I can crack walnuts
Between my buttocks they're so tight
And what I keep in my trousers
Would give a stallion a fright
Like the statue of David
I'm a classic work of art
(But I think you can see that for yourselves)

I am beautiful, I am beautiful, I am beautiful

And I'm getting better looking with every beer
I get more handsome with every beer
I'm Brad Pitt, Sean Connery and Superman all rolled into one after a couple of beers

Now I've got some questions to ask you,

Who's more incredible than Ken?
Caravan Ray! Caravan Ray!
Who's a bigger rock-god than Glenn?
Caravan Ray! Caravan Ray!
Who's even more loquacious than StueyM?
Caravan Ray! Caravan Ray!
That's right y'all, let me hear you say again
Caravan Ray! Caravan Ray!
And who can bust a move on the dancefloor better than Jefff?
Caravan Ray! Caravan Ray!
And who can make Mojo's Husky Youth sound out of breath?
Caravan Ray! Caravan Ray!
Who's wittier than BZL?
Caravan Ray! Caravan Ray!
Who's cuter than Lindsay from the BeWells?
.........OK, maybe I'm not that cute
But who's got a bigger schlong than JB?
Caravan Ray! Caravan Ray!
You know the words - sing it back to me
Caravan Ray! Caravan Ray!
Caravan Ray! Caravan Ray! Oi! Oi! Oi!
Caravan Ray! Caravan Ray! Oi! Oi! Oi!
Caravan Ray! Caravan Ray! Oi! Oi! Oi!
Caravan Ray! Caravan Ray! Oi! Oi! Oi!

[Freudian Slip]

All Tan

The latest news reports said
Stay in the shade or be dead
Or try this nifty
Sun block 150

So take your doctor's advice
And stay blindingly white
Or buy a big can
Of spray-on fake tan

They've got injections
They've got implants
They've got pills
They've got nose sprays
That even when you're sleeping ...
Can keep you up for days

So how much would you pay
To get All-Tan and get laid?
Buy it on Ebay--
That's what the ads say

To get all dark and lean
And be a love machine
Don't buy that shelf brand
Get you some All-Tan

They've got injections
They've got implants
They've got pills
They've got nose sprays
That even when you're sleeping ...
Can keep you up for days

So don't you cry carrot juice
Instead play fast and loose
Its thrill on demand
Just buy some All-Tan

[Bjam]

When I was a toddler, in my chilly homeland,
Sat in the car, wishing for a beach of golden sand
Stepped on the beach, and grabbed at my ears,
For it was 10 below zero and there was snow on the pier

They're all tan, all day, all night
Blond or brunette, the look sure is right
Love 'em all, both boy and man I'll see
'Cause all I care is that they're mine for a week

I went to Majorca, second-home to lobster Brits,
Blokes from Essex leering at young ladies' tits
But, oh my Spanish lover, dark eyes and hair,
Compared to him, I was just a rose, so fair.

Chorus

Went to Santa Cruz, and strolled along the Boardwalk
Staring at this surfer I could barely talk
But when he opened his mouth I had to turn the page
For he was a Aussie and nearly twice my age

Chorus

But here I am stuck in Atlantic City,
Where the men are all fat, Italian, and fifty
Their skin is spotty, greasy, and white
Guess I'll just have to dream of tan boys all through the night

Chorus

[Spud]

All Tan
Blue Spud Shoes

I love me the Amber,
I love me the Ale.
I'll even drink a Pilsner,
if it's not too pale.

The Hefeweizens good,
The Doppelbock is great.
I drink 'em in the morning,
I drink em 'til it's late.

[chorus]

There's one beer that escapes me,
It's called a Black and Tan.
Mixed drinks are called cocktails,
I drink mine like a man.
If it's not gonna be a Guiness,
It's gotta be ALL TAN!

[end chorus]

Last week I found a Belgian White,
Way back on the shelf.
I drank a bunch, got high as a kite,
If I do so say myself.

Some people drink the lite beers,
Some even go for ice.
They Budweiser brings big sad tears,
To my bloodshot eyes.

[repeat chorus]

I got a jones for I.P.A.
I drink it by the pail.
Keep away the Lambics,
I'm not some damn female.

A glass all tall and cloudy,
To put me to my bed.
And if you offer light beer,
I'll punch you in the... NECK!

[repeat chorus]

[fluffy]

Why do we have to be all tan
Different shades of the single master plan
It is all so boring
Baby I am snoring
Why do we all have to be tan

Black and white and zebra-stripe and
Red and green would be so keen
Purples blues and other hues?
The shades of tan just will not do

If I were a genetic engineer
I'd do what I could to bring it here
Discrimination will be undone
If everyone is the only one

Why do we have to be all tan
And just a woman or a man
Neither both or something in-between
I think that would be pretty keen
But everyone is just a different tan

Paisley plaid and polka dot
Colors patterns are so hot
Sure we could just get tattoos
But if I do it, why would you?

If the exotic were everyday
Of course my plea would go away
But other species can all have it
Yet we're unique on this planet?

Why do we have to be all tan
Different shades of the single master plan
It is all so boring
Baby I am snoring
Why do we all have to be tan

[Æpplês&vØdkã]

nevermind, didn't complete.

[rone rivendale]

All Tan -- Rone Rivendale style.

Standing outside your window babe
The pebbles are flying high
But you aren't coming to see who it is
It's so hot out here I could die

Standing outside your window
Getting all tan

Standing outside your door babe
My knuckles are getting sore
I don't like sweating my ass off
So please come answer yoru door

Standing outside your door
Getting all tan

I'm standing on your corner babe
Outside one hundred feet
This restaining order against me
Seems awfully lame and weak

Standing on your corner
Getting all tan

Standing in a jail cell babe
Missing you my dear
Some big guy here is staring
I think he wants my rear

Standing in a jail cell
Not getting all tan

I wish I was with you
Instead I'm with Bubba

[Dave - so dark...]

All Tan
The Dave Patrol (On the Prowl)

dave1: dude, check out that hot chick in the bikini
dave2: woah.. i bet she's all tan, if you know what i mean
dave1: dude, i know exactly what you mean! ...wait. what exactly do you mean?

i see you walkin' and i know you mean business
got legs for action and i don't mean for kickin'
long blonde hair, and blue eyes made of ice
if i can take you back to my place that would be rather nice!

she's aalllll tan
her body's rockin', and it's makin' me sweat, yeah!
she's aalllll tan
i'll make some time for you, of that you can bet, girl.
she's aalllll tan
i'm on my knees, begging you for a show
she's aalllll tan
this all tan girl is really making me go, woo!

i got you in my room, now lets get kinky
lets get you started on my big pinky
we'll take it slow, then we'll pick the pace
then get ready for the load all over your all tan face!

she's aalllll tan
her body's rockin', and it's makin' me sweat, yeah!
she's aalllll tan
i'll make some time for you, of that you can bet, girl.
she's aalllll tan
i'm on my knees, begging you for a show
she's aalllll tan
this all tan girl is really making me go, woo!

she's aalllll tan
her body's rockin', and it's makin' me sweat, yeah!
she's aalllll tan
i'll make some time for you, of that you can bet, girl.
she's aalllll tan
i'm on my knees, begging you for a show
she's aalllll tan
this all tan girl is really making me go, woo!

dave1: dude, that was awesome!
dave2: i know! high five!

[bwell]

All Tan - The BeWells

As I was driving to work today I sang along with the radio
I got to my salon turned on the lights, made some coffee everything's alright
'Bout eleven o'clock walks in a little girl to get her eyebrows fixed and dye her hair
Look outside what a beautiful day, just ten years old go outside and play
Well I'll just try and highlight the beauty that you already are

See I'm not all tan like the girls on the beaches
My skin's more the color of cream and peaches
I'm not all rich like a Hollywood movie star
What I don't spend paying bills I spend at the bar
I don't care about a diamond ring
Finding true love is a finer thing
And it's ok to dream and reach out for the stars
So let's just live our lives and love who we are

I take a look around at our world today, movies, magazines, and the news
Young girls trying to be paper thin, a TV show about plastic surgeons
I gotta concentrate on the little things to keep the hope from slipping by
Like my brother and his new baby girl, I like my job, I still believe in this world
Everybody's busy, we're all so different, remember who you are

(chorus) See I'm not all tan...

See I'm not all tan like the girls on the beaches
My skin's more the color of cream and peaches
I can't play guitar like a rock and roll star
But I sure do love to sing so here we are
And I don't care about a diamond ring
Finding true love is a finer thing
And it's ok to dream and reach out for the stars
So let's just live our lives and love who we are

Let's just live our lives and love who we are

[Ross]

All Tan
by Ross Durand

David Lee Roth had an unusual way of getting ready on concert day
He liked a big bowl of m&ms, but not the brown ones, not one of them.

He like the red ones and orange ones, too (If it had been the 90s he'd have liked the blue)
He loved the yellow and if you've go to know, he saved the green ones for after the show

One hot night David Lee threw a fit, his colored bowl of m&ms had brown ones in it
But the crew was one step ahead of singer man they knew that m&m-Mars called the light ones "tan"

So they left red ones and orange ones too, (if it had been the 90s they'd have left the blue)
You could feel the chill in the tour van, along with the green ones, they left the tan

At the next town the pranksters didn't stop, they decided to push David over the top
The rules said the browns had to be removed (but it didn't say you couldn't take the other's, too)

So they took the red ones and orange ones, too (if it had been the 90s they'd have taken the blue)
They took the yellow and green so man-o-man, when David Lee got there the bowl was all tan

And somewhere outside of Reno, you can still hear the screams echoing through the canyons and stream
Sammy Hagar is rich cause David Lee quit the band
Because his bowl of m&ms that night was all tan


Any resemblance to real persons or products living or dead is mostly coincidental - some facts were changed for th e purposes of entertainment.

http://www.snopes.com/music/artists/vanhalen.htm

[Steve Durand]

All Tan

By Steve Durand

Well they're all tan at the beach
And everyone that you meet
Is so happy

And with the sun shining down
There isn't a frown
To be seen

It's just a page form a travel brochure
But it's doing it's job, that's for sure

I want to be
Where everybody's all tan

Well it's a gray rainy day
It's all work and no play
In the city

That's a really good clue
Why I'm feeling so blue
Today

I'd like to get a way for a while
And spend some time on a tropical isle

I want to be
Where everybody's all tan

I dream of the ways I'd be soaking up rays
While I wait for the rain to stop

And I'd be in the pink, sippin' a drink
With a little umbrella on the top

I think about that
While the raindrops pitter-pat
On my window

And I'm green with envy
Of everybody on holiday

I want to be with a happy crowd
Instead of sitting here under this dark cloud

I want to be
Where everybody's all tan

I dream of the ways I'd be soaking up rays
While I wait for the rain to stop

And I'd be in the pink, sippin' a drink
With a little umbrella on the top

I think about that
While the raindrops pitter-pat
On my window

And I'm green with envy
Of everybody on holiday

I want to go somewhere out of reach
Lounging around on a sandy beach
And I'm gonna go as soon as I can

I want to be
Where everybody's all tan

[WilliamParsons]

All Tan

William Parsons Project

Greetings fellow traveler
I'm Rufus Alouishus
I'm the man who made his riches
hopping trains and washing dishes
so if you're heading west
hop aboard and be my guest
put your meddle to the test
aboard the hobo express

I'll show you all the ropes
and tell you of my plan
to ride the iron horses
till I reach the promised land
where the wine flows like water
and the women are all tan

got to get your stuff together
as the train draws near
got to time it right so you won't be
seen by the engineer
jump with all your strength
got to think of your whole life
grab something to hold on
and hold it like your wife

I'll show you all the ropes
and tell you of my plan
to ride the iron horses
till I reach the promised land
where the wine flows like water
and the women are all tan

jumping on is easy
it's jumping off that's hard
the only time the train slows down
is in the railroad yard

where they can see you clear as day
and nothing you can do or say
with stop the savage beating
from the guard

find your way into town
for a bottle and bite
read the scratcings on the sidewalks and walls
to see who will treat you right
a meal, a drink, a shower
and a bed for the night

The best things in life
don't really come for free
if you want to eat an apple
gotta lie beneath a tree
when the bee goes off to work
his honey's there for me
I'm a real big fan of the free market
economy

I'll show you all the ropes
and show you my new plan
to live off the fat of the promised land
where the wine tastes like water
and the women are all tan

[jeff robertson]

(as FLVXXVM FLORVM)

White folks
Black folks
Red folks
Yella folks

All tan the same!
All tan the same!
All tan the same!
All tan the same in the nuclear flames!

Rich Folks
Poor Folks
Old Folks
Young Folks

All tan the same!
All tan the same!
All tan the same!
All tan the same in the nuclear flames!

They all will die
They all will burn
They all will die
because they never learned

Christians
Atheists
Muslims
Jews

All tan the same!
All tan the same!
All tan the same!
All tan the same in the nuclear flames!

[glennny]

All Tan
Phillipso

Seemed like a normal night at the Dalva
I was feelin' alright with few problems
met a a boho girl right according to plan
I said "What's your drink?", she said "Black and Tan"

So I went to the bar and gave my order to Jake
he said "I'm sorry Glen, but there's been a mistake..
there's no Guiness, we're completely out,
it's gonna have to be...."

All Tan

I went back to the table, felt like a total jerk
gave her her pint of Harp, I thought it couldn't get worse
"Is it really all wrong when it's two halves right?
I'll get you your drink dear, but not tonight."

"Why can't you men grasp, if it's one part right it's defacto wrong?
If left with the feeble choice, I would choose Black, the clearly obvious choice
you astonishingly inept man!"

All Tan

"Is it really all wrong, when it's two halves right?"

All Tan

"I'll get you your order, but not tonight"

All Tan

"We could go to the Kilowatt, we could go to the Albion?"

All Tan

Then she walked away

[user]

All Tan
by Bonfire of the Manatees

My brain tried to kill me today
Even though I'd always learned to look both ways
When the white Ford F-150 came bearing in down on me it was clear to see that something had changed
Something had changed

When it was all over
I was just glad that it had come down to play
Because inside that melting Japanese plastic coffin my white-as-snow ivory glowing light complexion
Would have gone all tan

And it's not so much that I'm afraid to die
So much that it is that I'd rather die in a burning building with my arms filled up with crying helpless babies
That I got to safety just before my fucks gave out

Oh what a thing it be
For a big bowl of killing acceleration to amend my way to wiser reputation
And a hundred million dreams that I would not realize

My brain (brain) tried to kill me today (tried to kill me today)
My brain (brain) tried to kill me today (tried to kill me today)
My brain (brain) tried to kill me today (tried to kill me today)
My brain (brain) tried to kill me today, tried to kill me today