Like a pair of sunbathing mambas (Green Eleven reviews)

[anti-m]

its songfight! holy cow.

Woah! I was just adding your songs to playlist and wondering whatever happened to you!

Edit: Also, not that I really live here any more, but welcome back LML! ( ; Your stuff is rad.

[LML]

Thanks! Coming back was all a part of my plan to become famous and die from alcohol poisoning.

[bambamoozle]

Thanks! Coming back was all a part of my plan to become famous and die from alcohol poisoning.

Hmmm. Good luck with that!

[LML]

If Jordan Seavers makes an entry in the next song fight I'm gonna scream like a little girl at a Jonas Brothers concert.

[JonPorobil]

A-bomb - Funky intro, but it never really goes anywhere. When the lyrics "resolve" by finally revealing the secret ingredient you so adore (which would be a lot more effective if it weren't the title, but hey, this is Songfight), the music doesn't make any corresponding gesture of resolution. Plus, isn't there some other product that has Green 11 in it?

Reist - Yeah, I can kind of hear the Third Eye Blind here. The melody is a little more defined than most of their stuff. Your chorus sounds a little bit labored, like you're struggling to fit those words into that melody, but this is catchy enough and pleasant to listen to. It took me until the second listen to really feel how tight this melody is; it has deep roots.

Andy Sucks - This made me think of Sylvia Plath. Not because of the lyrics or thematic substance; rather, Plath was known for never discarding a line of poetry. Comparing her own ideas to raw building material, she said, some ideas you can make a table out of. Some, you could only make a chair. And if she couldn't make a chair out of it, she would make a toy. You've made a toy. It's not bad, but I can't help but feel like this lick could easily have been incorporated into a much better song.

Caravan Ray - I don't care if the bongoes are by Apple; I love them here. Nice riff, nice breakdown between the verses. I love the harmonies in that last part ("I told you ten times that I loved you..."). In the counting section at the very end, the background vocals interefere with the counting a little bit, which makes it sound like you're saying "One Twos, Threes," etc. Maybe this could have been avoided by panning the background vocal? Applying an effect or something? Still, this is a vote. Great work.

Chopped Liver - I'm not sure why the intro sounds like a chop-n-screw remix of "Beat It," but it makes me want to tie the lyrics in with the latter. In the end, if there's a lyrical or thematic similarity between this song and its source material, it's lost on me. I got bored halfway through.

Chthonic Chthock - It would have been a tough tight, but I think if this were the old one-vote format, this would have gotten mine. Actually, this is a spot-on JB impression. I like the use of the title. Peppy, fun, catchy, semi-profound lyrics. Way to go. Vote.

Cobalt Stomach - Considering this song has the same lyrics as its immediate predecessor, it's hard to avoid comparing the two, and this one pales in almost every way. I might have liked this more if you had taken a different approach, but as it is, it sounds like you tried to do the same thing as Chthonic, just not as well.

Death etc - Heh, my visualization plugin doesn't do anything when this song comes on. This sounds pleasantly lo-fi, and the singer has a nice voice, but I can't make out any of the lyrics because she's mixed too low. Catchy melody, though.

Deetak - ...now with electric guitar! This sounds a little more like a "rock song," in the conventional sense, than anything else I've heard you do. I guess there's a good way and a bad way to read that. I just wish the harmonies weren't so off-key. It sounds like it was a stylistic decision, but I wonder whether this would have been more pleasant to listen to if it had been cleaner.

Elaine DiMasi - I like the "Uh-huh"s. Some of the lyrics feel a unpolished; they don't scan quite right, and I'm sure a little more time with the lyrics could have fixed that. I'm not sure what you mean by "I've never been full and my house has never been empty." Still, this is an interesting approach, and I like the perspective. There's a story in this one, and that's cool.

Fabulous Prunes - Yes, theramins and analog synths are neat. I trust that now that you've gotten this out of your system, you'll do something productive with them next time.

Fartin' in the Club -

Gnome Alone - If there's a melody here, it's lost in the moaning. The vocals don't sound like they know what the piano is doing. The whole thing just feels like it was thrown together from disparate parts.

Hindsdale Patent - Very marketable. I like the background vocals in the chorus. I wonder if you could have belted a little more on that chorus. If you'd been able to just go nuts on that line, and if the snare were a little brighter and more present, that chorus would be a sure-shot winner. Right now, I'm voting for it, but it still feels like there's one more level of rock you could have hit.

Howl Down the McHatton - alright, which one of you plays the sodding autoharp? Sheesh. Hey, I love these lyrics. Great stuff. I like the transition from the verse to the chorus, but not so much vice-versa. I'd love to hear who did what here. Nice stiar ending. Vote. Even though there's an autoharp. Ugh.

IndiAdam - The woman's voice acting is awful in the intro. Nice rapping; I just can't bring myself to care for a song about nasal congestion.

Jake Lions - I admire your ambition. Not your voice. Sing on key next time, and your song might be good. There's an amazing progression here. The sprawling structure reminds me of the Fiery Furnaces. But you're singing off-key like at least half the time, and that's distractingly bad. You've got the soul, though. Can't deny that.

Jan Krueger - I like it. The melody, the cadence, the laid-back delivery. Lyrics are a little emo, though. Nice pace. It took me a few listens to realize there were instruments other than the guitar and your voice here, and that's very much to your credit. Vote.

John Kloberdanz - The first time I listened to this song, I was like, "Oh, what does this sound like! Oh, god! What is it?" And like halfway through, I thought of "Horse With No Name." And then the second time I listened, I was like "Oh yeah, this sounded like something. What was it? Gaah!" And then the third time I listened to it, it was more like "Oh yeah, this is the song that sounds like something else... what did I decide it was?" .....But I digress. So you have an electric guitar. Nice. I like this tune a lot. I intend to vote for it. Even though I don't understand what "You could call me Green Eleven" means. Oh well. Great lyrics.

Kasper - Nice little acoustic emo vibe. Made me feel like a teenager again. I like the chimey sound in the high-end. For some reason, the line that sucks me in is that last line in the chorus, the echo of "I wonder what she thinks of me... Does she think of me?" just grabs me. Vote.

Larry Knox - Nice, but hopelessly generic. I've heard this song five times now, and I still can't remember anything about it when it's over. Sorry.

LML - I'm not really sure what this is about, but it's pleasant to listen to. There's a few lines that strike me as needing revision, particularly in the chorus, "Don't have the need for AN alarm." Hey, the time crunch is part of the contest, right?

Lucky Spoons - Pretty good. I'm not going to hate on the steel drums like some of the other reviewers, but parts of this song seem incongruous with each other. The singing parts don't seem to fit with the rapping parts, and the little mini-skit in the beginning with the horrible overacting... well, yeah. I like the harmonies. There's a nice groove. It's just a little too silly for me to get into.

Mc Milk Plus - This isn't badly-done, especially the flute breakdown in the chorus, but is there a reason your vocals sound so forced? It sounds like it's causing you way too much effort just to choke out a sentence.

Melvin - What in the bejesus are you singing about. No really. This also sounds a little bit more lo-fi than previous Melvin songs. A little grittier, less balanced. These lyrics are quite cryptic, though. Oh well. It's all executed with the trademark Melvin flair. This is one I'm a little conflicted about voting for. I think in the end I'm a little too puzzled to fully endorse it.

Night Elf Mohawk - Already reviewed. See above. Voted.

Paco del Stinko - It bears mentioning that I listened to this song in the car, and during the first minute or so, I impulsively sped up. Voted.

Ross Durand - It bears mentioning that I listened to this song in the car, and during the first minute or so, I impulsively felt terrible about driving. Voted.

Pathetic Wannabes - I like the truncated guitar lick. The drums feel a bit unhinged, and I can't understand the vocals, except for "What the hell is green eleven?" which I must admit, I'd been thinking for a while, too. Oh well.

The Sky doesn't look terribly pleased - Yeah, yeah, yeah, just get this put in Juno 2 already. Sorry, I don't mean to be dismissive, but this seems to me to be a good execution of a subgenre that (as far as I can tell) is defined by sloppy lyricism. This is rather twee, and if you're into this kind of stuff, I'm sure it's charming. I find it hard to care.

Noel - Nice picking. Sounds like it's a little out of your vocal range. Mournful and soulful. Ambient guitar. Nice, but not great. Good, but no vote.

Toddy Mac - For some reason, you're tagged as "someguycallednoel" on my computer. Computers do weird things. Anyway. I love the piano here. It lopes along with an unpredictable cadence and progression that never strays so far off course that it ever feels aimless or forced. I love the energy. As well as the ornamental instrumentation (how do you do that?). Great stuff. Voted.

Weakest Suit - Ross Durand put it best: "Guy-and-guitar isn't necessarily lo-fi." You could have made this a lot cleaner, and if you ask me, the song would have been much better for it. Your vocals sound so filtered and distant. There's a pretty good song buried in there.

Final vote list: Caravan Ray, Chthonic Chthock, Hindsdale Patent, Howl Down the Chimney feat, Todd McHatton, Jan Krueger, John Kloberdanz, Kasper, Night Elf Mohawk, Paco del Stinko, Ross Durand, and Todd McHatton solo. Lots of keepers this time around. Good job everyone!

[ltab]

Thanks for all the input from everyone. I got to use a lot of it mixing the next fight -- I'll have all kinds of new problems! Maybe I'll get some reviews in next time, even if it's just thumbs up or down for now.

--lt

[LML]

LML - I'm not really sure what this is about, but it's pleasant to listen to. There's a few lines that strike me as needing revision, particularly in the chorus, "Don't have the need for AN alarm." Hey, the time crunch is part of the contest, right?

I thought the usage of "I don't have the need for an alarm" was correct grammar usage. And I'm an english major. I guess I'm wrong. Oh well. Don't forget "peetree" dish.

[JonPorobil]

No it's not an issue of a/an, nor the grammar of the sentence. I'm nitpicking at the amount of weight the word "an" was given in the line. In general, I find it best when a line scans as close as possible to how it would be spoken. So "I don't have the need for an al-arm," whereas you're singing "Don't have the need for an al-arm."

There are some people who get away with accenting wrong syllables like crazy, though. To a certain extent it's a matter of personal preference.

[bambamoozle]

No it's not an issue of a/an, nor the grammar of the sentence. I'm nitpicking at the amount of weight the word "an" was given in the line. In general, I find it best when a line scans as close as possible to how it would be spoken. So "I don't have the need for an al-arm," whereas you're singing "Don't have the need for an al-arm."

There are some people who get away with accenting wrong syllables like crazy, though. To a certain extent it's a matter of personal preference.

LML, this is what I was trying to explain in my review of your song, but it was described more clearly here.

[jast]

Jan Krueger - [...] It took me a few listens to realize there were instruments other than the guitar and your voice here, and that's very much to your credit.

There are? News to me! (Unless you mean the "bass" which is actually the same guitar...)

[LML]

Forgive me for having an accent then. Not trying to be snappy but that's a really odd nit pick in my opinion. Hope you liked the song anyway.

[Billy's Little Trip]

Forgive me for having an accent then. Not trying to be snappy but that's a really odd nit pick in my opinion. Hope you liked the song anyway.

Calm down, snappy.

[TheTungstenSheik]

Wait, we've been arguing over this song? This is actually really cool! It's like Slint meets George Saunders. The lyrics are delightfully trippy, the drums in the background are really cool, and the vocals effects work really well. It could use a little more variation, especially given its length, but I've never heard anything like this on Songfight before, so good job with that. Might even get a vote.

I thought it was a great listen and I have it in my Ipod rotation.

Wow, thanks, guys. It's gratifying to know some people liked our weird un-song after all. I definitely agree it could have used some more sonic variation; the unfortunate drawback to a collaborative effort, at least in this case, was that our time to work on it was pretty limited. Something to work on for the album mix down the line, though.

[Ross]

I'm still surprised nobody corrected me on the proper way to say petri dish by now.

It's what I meant by "petri?" - I guess I should have been more specific

[LML]

I call my mispronunciation of words "taking artistic license". Then it instantly doesn't make me look dumb. I record my vocals usually at around 10 in the morning. I don't tend to pay attention to my english. I know somewhere out there a nerd listens to my music and gets all angered by my mispronunciation. He shakes a fist at the sky and promises to teach me a lesson.

ETA Also, when the heck are we gonna find out the votes for our song? She said yes, so I figure maybe it's time they posted the scores. Maybe I'm just impatient.

[deetak]

Just want to say thanks for the reviews (and the deetak t-shirt idea)

[jb]

I call my mispronunciation of words "taking artistic license". Then it instantly doesn't make me look dumb. I record my vocals usually at around 10 in the morning. I don't tend to pay attention to my english. I know somewhere out there a nerd listens to my music and gets all angered by my mispronunciation. He shakes a fist at the sky and promises to teach me a lesson.

It's only artistic license if you did it on purpose. Also, it can be artistic license if you recognize a mistake and purposefully leave it in as an artistic decision. You're not allowed, by the Rules of the Universe, to claim "artistic license" whenever someone points out a flaw in your work.

There is a thing called "prosody," which is what you call the way in which words are emphasized in poetry or song. The "prosody" of a song can sound natural or unnatural. and can definitely be an artistic choice. Or it can just be a factor of how slaved to the rhythm of your melody you were when singing your lyrics.

Our pal Generic apparently doesn't care for your prosody in some lines of "Green Eleven". I don't have a problem with the alarm line, but there are some prosody oddities in there that do kind of jar my ear. If you're of a non-English-speaking nationality, this is understandable and makes it less annoying for me, actually, because there are plenty of electronica songs by English as a Second Language speakers that have weird prosody but which are kind of charming because of it. For example, Komeda has some odd prosody in some of their tunes and I dig that. Stereolab too for that matter, and Cibo Matto. All of whom I love.

I do get a little hung up on the "is/are" agreement error in one of your lines. But the song is quirky and the sounds are kind of nice and the angle is interesting, so nice work there.

ETA Also, when the heck are we gonna find out the votes for our song? She said yes, so I figure maybe it's time they posted the scores. Maybe I'm just impatient.

Maybe you should be more patient. Or maybe I should be less patient with you. Hmmm.

[Ross]

There is a thing called "prosody," which is what you call the way in which words are emphasized in poetry or song. The "prosody" of a song can sound natural, or unnatural and can definitely be an artistic choice.

I think that both Alanis Morisette and Bright Eyes make effective use of unnatural prosody for artistic effect on many occasions, for instance.

[LML]

nevermind. not even worth it.

[MisterQuoons]

Wow, I really do hate to be a gloating dick, but after all that heated debate our song beat Reist's 7-5.

"I know music" LOL.

Sorry. Couldn't resist pointing that out.

[Reist]

Wow, I really do hate to be a gloating dick, but after all that heated debate our song beat Reist's 7-5.

"I know music" LOL.

Sorry. Couldn't resist pointing that out.

But how many times did you vote for yourself?

[bambamoozle]

Wow, I really do hate to be a gloating dick, but after all that heated debate our song beat Reist's 7-5.

"I know music" LOL.

Sorry. Couldn't resist pointing that out.

But how many times did you vote for yourself?

I suggest that I might be the only person in this songfight who can prove the answer is "once". I have five votes, and there are exactly five people (one of them being me) who said they voted for me.

I didn't like the way that Sober described "winning the reviews" because it came off as arrogant, and I never expect to come close to winning a fight in words or numbers. That being said, I understand where he's coming from. When I entered my first fight (Elegy for Industry) two friends of mine listened to it and voted for me, without listening to anyone else much less voting for anyone else. I asked them not to do that again.