Nur Ein VI Round One "Colourblind"

[glennny]

Merisan- Wow! This is your sweet spot. The bear claw is flawless. The harmonies are gorgeous! The lyrics are great. I have nothing but praise. This just beautiful, gives me chills, makes me cry. Way to go!

Paco Del Stinko- You’re a mad genius! This sounds like the PDS I love! Excellent production. I chuckle with glee when I hear those bouncy fun riffs. Awesome guitaring! This is sooo fun! Tough call for my favorite of the fight. Clearly I need this song to cheer me up after the sadness (good sadness) of the Merisan song.

Frankie Big Face- This is as solid as songwriting gets. I especially like the chorus! That’s not true, just funny to say. The verse is super strong, as well as the chorus. I’m very jealous of your voice. There’s a jarring sloppiness after the bridge at like 1:51. I would’ve hoped you would’ve fixed that hesitation. That’s a nit pick, this is a fantastic song. Well Done!

Ross Durand- You are an excellent guitarist. I really like your solos. I like this key solo too. It’s nice to hear the timbre change. The backing ooooh’s are subtle and sweet. I dig the big Blue Oyster Cult riffs “I’m Burnin for You”. These lyrics are good. The production and performance are awesome! Cool song!

Billy’s Little Trip- This is sooo you! This rocks. It’s everything I expect in a BLT. I think we should always take choruses away from you so we get more awesome riffs! At 2:21 I get the feeling you wrote a normal song and literally cut the choruses. This is where knowing the whole contest dynamic reduces the enjoyment of the song. It’s just good man! Well done!

Luke Henley- What a conundrum. Great lyrics, rocking song! Terrible production (obviouosly). That said, at least the vocals, harmonies and guitar are balanced. It sounds like a bootleg. This is one of those gems that I would want to cover. Good songwriting which deserves better production. I like the vocal performances! The playing is solid too!

Wreckdom- I was listening to this fight all day yesterday without knowledge of who was who. This song baffled me. I could not place who the Hell this was. It all makes sense now. I love how diverse you guys are. My only nit pick about this song is that when the two vocalists sing at the same time it’s not as tight as it should be. Oh yeah, one more, I really don’t like the fade out.

Jon Eric- This is your zone. The piano is played rather well. The chord pattern is particularly good. I really like this. That edit at 2:06 is terrible. Just a production nitpick. There’s some slop in the more difficult parts of the piece, and a couple of slightly sour notes. Overall I really like this, good job.

Rabid Garfunkel- I like the songwriting a lot. Cool lyrics, nice playing. Pretty good vocal performance. What really hurts this song is the mix. It’s a very tasty keys line, but it’s so loud in the mix and piercing. Also the vocals are way too up front, though I like your voice and performance. Drums sound good, I dig the bass line too.

John Kloberdanz- Listening to the Smiths lately? This is pretty cool. It’s super short. It feels a little unfinished. There’s no chorus, but it is begging for one.

DJ Ranger Den- Anni Di Franco fan? I like the lyrics if it weren’t for the title. On their own they are fun stream of consciousness. I don’t get how they relate to being colourblind. I don’t get it as metaphor not literally. I mean you have the line in there but it feels tacked in to check a box.

Embers of Autumn- There are some really good lyrics in there. I like your vocal performance a lot. This seriously needs some editing. The production leaves a lot to be desired. I’d cut the bridge, I think it’s the weakest part.

Bram Tant- Sounds like you’re talking about blindness not colourblindness. Nice riffs. There was some excuse for you being only in my left ear right? That is annoying. Please fix for the next submission. I like your performance, I don’t like your lyrics. This song doesn’t go anywhere really. Fun vamp though.

A & H – Cute song. The timing is very shaky. You really need to get into the groove. I enjoyed this , but I don’t get the point of the lyrics.

Manhattan Glutton- Awesome production! Stellar playing! Okay composition, actually it’s pretty damn good given the challenge! I really really hate the lyrics. I think lyrics are the least important thing to a song, but when they are this offensively bad it clouds all the goodness going on. Have you seen the film “You’re watching a film now”, or read the book “You’re reading this after I wrote it for you”. Those lyrics are just lazy and trite and awful. Please sing gibberish or la la la, before you sing “I’m sitting here singing a song for you….” You get my point. Anyway, you are a contender to be feared you have some serious skills!

Glen Raphael- Wow that’s a whole lotta lyrical fodder. I dig your voice. The composition is pretty good. The acoustic could use another take. This take was close, but there are some timing mistakes. Those other instruments are sooo buried. It’s awkward to not hear drums and then out of nowhere there’s a decaying crash cymbal. Then the subdued arpeggio synth muddles more than adds. Screech! This is a mess. Actually it just sounds under-developed.

Pop Machine- Minus points for “tangled up in blue”. Just because it pops in your head doesn’t mean you have to put it in the song. The weird echo in the chorus is zany, rather distracting too. Your vocals are way way way too hot. Are you from Spintown? Those cats hate music, they bury it way behind vocals. The music sounds pretty cool, the vocals are okay. Even though I think you have a full on chorus, this song is rather meandering. I just read the lyrics. I liked this song a lot better before I did such. Those lyrics are terrible and unfunny.

Boffo Yux Dudes- I like the harmonica. Not much else. It doesn’t sound like you guys are trying.

WSA- I love this song. I am way too close to it to be the least bit objective. I wrote the chord pattern, played 12-string and bass. We got Ken on drums. Melvin is back with lyrics, vocals and production! Pedro took the solo and added those electric clean tone “signature” bits. Frisbee has sweet and subtle backing vocals. I threw down the solo at the end. I’ve always wanted to write a long chord pattern. This is an 18 chord progression. I hope you all enjoy!

So I think we should pass on. Ranking everyone else as if I were a judge:
1. Merisan
2. Paco del Stinko
3. Frankie Big Face
4. Ross Durand
5. Billy’s Little Trip
6. Luke Henley
7. Wreckdom
8. Jon Eric
9. Rabid Garfunkel
10. John Kloberdanz
11. DJ Ranger Den
12. Embers of Autumn
13. Bram Tant
14. A & H
15. Manhattan Glutton (you’d be #3 for me with different lyrics)
16. Glen Raphael
17. Pop Machine
18. Boffo Yux Dudes

[Manhattan Glutton]

I think lyrics are the least important thing to a song

I'm with you 200%. Ironically, the lyrics are saying what you're saying. Not that it justifies it or anything.

[dantes]

Bram Tant – Good rock song, lyrics needed more work. Lyrics that don’t rhyme should have something else going for them, and these are plain.

Yep, I realized my lyrics were weak after submitting... No wonder, since I wrote them very quickly. Should've put more effort into them, but I didn't have enough time.

Bram Tant- Sounds like you’re talking about blindness not colourblindness. Nice riffs. There was some excuse for you being only in my left ear right? That is annoying. Please fix for the next submission. I like your performance, I don’t like your lyrics. This song doesn’t go anywhere really. Fun vamp though.

Yeah, the lyrics are bad. I need to learn not to rush my writing. Panning is caused by mono recording into a stereo channel, which I only noticed afterwards and couldn't fix. I'm aware of it and will make sure it doesn't happen next time.

[BoffoYux]

Boffo Yux Dudes- I like the harmonica. Not much else. It doesn’t sound like you guys are trying.

Hmm... I liked the harmonica as well. I know we went through several vocal versions - Tom Waits and Leon Redbonesque versions kinda fell flat. And we stripped the sound down to somthing very simple to emphasize the lyrics. Perhaps it was too simple in the final product.

As far as trying - I KNOW we're very trying. The people around us are always telling us so.

Boffo Yux Dudes. Haunting Nur Ein since 2011.

[glenra]

Glen Raphael – Overall good song. If it were mine, and I decided to work it more, I would either keep it about myself by changing the middle verse, or have the third verse tie the first two together.

Ooh, good comment. The middle of this song wants to be political, the last part wants to be personal, and it's not really clear those two sentiments belong in the same song. Okay. sure, "the personal is political". Still. I might be giving one or both themes short shrift. Might need to go back to the well and see if there's something else I could add or replace or remove to make it cohere better.

You get extra bonus points for spelling *both* halves of my name right!

-Glen (not Glenn) Raphael (not Rapheal)

(though I figured out what to do with all the extra "n"s - I can just give 'em to glennnnnnnny. )

[bambamoozle]

You get extra bonus points for spelling *both* halves of my name right!

With a name like "Kloberdanz" I strive for accuracy!

A third choice is to move the second verse to the end and tie it together with the different ways we are blind. It was the back-and-forth from verse 1 to 2 to 3 that I thought could be smoothed out in some way.

[furrypedro]

These reviews read as if I'm drunk, I'm not, I'm just a bastard.

Abbot n Hines: Midi jazz. Swell. I like some of this 40's style stuff but I feel the piano's too busy and the flow's not there. The cymbals are all over the place and the rhythm's too clunky.

Trilly's Little Bip: When you place your balls against a wall it leaves a sweaty ring after you remove them. There are moments in this when your voice reminds me of Jason Perry from A (the least cool punk band in the world - I used to love A). Good tune.

Boffo Yux street crips: Poorly played 12-bar blues? Seriously? I don't like saying mean things about people who may be really nice, but if you're gonna submit stuff like this I hope you get knocked out REAL SOON. Love and kisses.

Bram Tant: I'm liking that there's lots of short songs so far. This sounds alright but what's the deal with the hard left panned vocals? Or do I have my headphones on the wrong way round. Why would you do that? It's like being at a gig and having somebody singing really loud in your ear next to you. Apart from that it ain't too bad though. Sorry, I'm a mix geek.

DJ Ranger Den: (Embarrassed) Having not listened to ANY of your stuff so far part of me hoped this would be Denyer in disguise, and in fact it's about as far from that as possible. Abrasive juvenile Australian rapper Vs. Sensitive piano balladeering woman. This is really rather good. It's kind of pretty but with a Randy Newman vibe. Good job.

Embers of Stuff: That's a really good piano sound, massively 80's but it's well played and the tone is good. This is so Meatloaf, I love it.

Frankie and that big face of his: Yay, a song that I would actually listen to again and like in a non-ironic fashion. This song is better than ours by a country mile, and indeed this won't matter in years to come but that's a chorus, surely?


Glen Raphael (not to be mistaken for Glen & Rachael): Competent GnGing. It's reminds me ever so slightly of Ben Kreiger's writing style (albeit completely opposite from his recording style). In the verses there is this synthy (possibly muted guitar?) sound in the background. I like that, you should make it more prominent in the mix. As it is it's overpowered by the acoustic, turn that damn thing down. Ah, it's definitely a synth isn't it.

John Kloberdanz: That's a good riff. When you go "oh-ho-ho" it's so ridiculously Morrissey! ha. Yeah, I like this. I wish the percussion was better and that the song did more, damn that non-optional challenge huh? I don't often say this but it may even be too short, the song has looped over 3 times while I'm waiting for the next song to load. Epic fail my intenet connection. Sorry, I'm rambling all over your review.

Jorenic: Yup, good. Good eye research.

Luke Henley: Before we start, I liked your last song dude. This is a bit energetic for you isn't it (subtext: you slobby bastard). Man, you always have the best lyrics. "It's you who shook the black soot off my eyes", maybe it's just the way you sing it. You remain the only person I have ever directly stolen lyrics from, maybe that's just because I don't think you'd sue me. Anyways, keeper.

Glanhattan Mutton: God I love spoonerising songfighter's names. It's one of my favourite things. About your song: "proper British", one is not amused but I suppose you had to get something to rhyme with "fetish". All round good, nice chugs, good production nuggets, like all the little bits of vocals here and there.

Merisan: The other day I thought to myself "the word "Merisan" is an anagram of Erin + Sam, isn't that a coincidence? I wonder if they know." I'm quick like that . This is all really nice and junk and stuff.

Stacko del Pinko (this is how I will refer to the porn stash of any Mexicans I meet): Well done with the song by the way. It's all kind of Ska-ish, but indisputably Paco. You've got me bouncing about in my chair. Good riffage, good lyrics (yeah, *don't* be mean). Nothing like a song that ends with a good ol' Chonk!(.gg.g.g.g.ggggg) <- that's when you don't quite stop dead and it fret rattles a bit.

Pop Machine: I've got to admit you were losing me up until "stink of the brie". The song's a bit all over the place, I liked it when it kicked off, but then it mellowed out again.

Rabid: This is pretty cool. I apologise now, I'm losing my reviewing enthusiasm (if I ever had any). I'll do my next reviews in reverse. Good luck qualifying. I think I liked the opening of this most, but then it doesn't do much and the theme kind of gets diluted into a bit of noodliness.

Ross Durand: I'm with Paco, the synth solo is kick-ass, the rest of the song is nice.

WSA: We wrote a song, Glen will undoubtedly tell you all about it = )

Wreckdom - Making music since 1993, and still stuck there from the sounds of it: That was just me being a funny bastard, don't take it seriously. I'm just waiting for my expectations to be subverted, go on, do it. Okay you didn't. Still, this weren't bad.

I say Paco or Frankie for the win. I liked Luke's song too, but then I have some kind of gay "deity" thing going on there so ignore me.

[furrypedro]

I think lyrics are the least important thing to a song

I'm with you 200%. Ironically, the lyrics are saying what you're saying. Not that it justifies it or anything.

I hear this, but man, when the lyrics are good it gets so much better. Otherwise we wouldn't have nuffink to sing along with right? "Well I'm standing next to the mountain....."
Right?

Maybe there are better examples.

[dantes]

Bram Tant: I'm liking that there's lots of short songs so far. This sounds alright but what's the deal with the hard left panned vocals? Or do I have my headphones on the wrong way round. Why would you do that? It's like being at a gig and having somebody singing really loud in your ear next to you. Apart from that it ain't too bad though. Sorry, I'm a mix geek.

Already stated a few times that the panning was unintentional and caused by mono recording into stereo channels. I'm sorry everyone here seems to hate that so much, it doesn't sound that bad to me personally. I'll make sure it doesn't happen next time.

[Paco Del Stinko]

Nothing like a song that ends with a good ol' Chonk!(.gg.g.g.g.ggggg) <- that's when you don't quite stop dead and it fret rattles a bit.

Ha! I love stuff like that! Good label, chum!

[bambamoozle]

John Kloberdanz: damn that non-optional challenge huh?

Agreed. My song was begging for a chorus, but twas not to be.

[frankie big face]

Thanks for all the comments, everyone. I'm sorry I haven't had a chance to listen to the songs in either round yet, but I'll catch up.

@Glenn - I tried to fix that spot, but ran into problems, most notably my inability to play guitar! But seriously, I hadn't played guitar in so long that my fingers were killing me and I finally just gave up on trying to get it sound better. (It was worse.) Glad you like the song.

@Caravan Ray - I questioned whether my refrain was any good as well (lyrically, that is--I think it's catchy enough). I finally decided it wasn't poetry and the song would work in the same way that George Harrison managed to make everyone forget that he was singing the line "You know I believe and how" in Something.

I hope you guys do realize I wasn't trying to sneak a chorus in on a technicality. There really is a difference between a chorus and a refrain and I think the Wikipedia entry makes the case pretty well. I've written songs that have had neither a chorus nor a refrain--it's not that I'm incapable. But I do like to write catchy pop songs and this seemed to work with the challenge so I ran with it.

P.S. Everywhere I look on the internet, I come up with these examples of refrains: "Blowin' in the Wind," "Bridge Over Troubled Water," even Eleanor Rigby ("Ah, look at all the lonely people."). Surely, my repeated line is no more chorus-y than freakin' Bridge Over Troubled Water! That seems like a full-blown chorus to me. On the other hand, "Blowin' in the Wind" seems like a refrain because it sums up each verse. That's what I was intending with my refrain. The repeated line can't stand on it's own--it needs the lines that precede it in each verse. Anyway, okay--I'll stop now.

[furrypedro]

Bram Tant: I'm liking that there's lots of short songs so far. This sounds alright but what's the deal with the hard left panned vocals? Or do I have my headphones on the wrong way round. Why would you do that? It's like being at a gig and having somebody singing really loud in your ear next to you. Apart from that it ain't too bad though. Sorry, I'm a mix geek.

Already stated a few times that the panning was unintentional and caused by mono recording into stereo channels. I'm sorry everyone here seems to hate that so much, it doesn't sound that bad to me personally. I'll make sure it doesn't happen next time.

Don't sweat it dude, it was just the most obvious thing to mention. I didn't read all the other reviews before doing mine. The song's the important thing.

[Niveous]

The scores are in.

Round one goes to the Worldly Self Assurance

The bottom three are Adam Adamant, Pop Machine, and Embers of Autumn. Tschüss!

96 - WSA
87 - FBF
85 - PDS
81 - Manhattan Glutton
79 - Merisan
78 - Ross Durand
71 - DJ Ranger Den
70 - BLT
68 - Jon Eric
63 - WreckdoM
63 - John Kloberdanz
57 - Glen Raphael
55 - A & H
53 - Luke Henley
34 - Bram Tant
34 - Rabid Garfunkel
26 - BYD
24 - EoA
16 - Pop Machine
00 - Adam Adamant

Judges breakdown coming soon.

[EmbersOfAutumn]

On the one hand, sucks I'm out...

On the other--don't haveta write no weird song about myself and Ginger...

[Manhattan Glutton]

Right?

Don't disagree. Here's the thing: Maybe it's just me, but I don't expect lyrical genius out of pre-determined titles. Some people are better at it than others, and occasionally the stars align, but the most I can usually hope for is a passing grade. In normal SF, I'd take the subtle road and skirt around the title, but since this is serious business, I'm going for a different approach. And hey, it looks like it paid off.

[furrypedro]

Woah, dude. No way!

I didn't think we deserved it* but that's totally rad.


*sorry Glen/Mel/Jez/Ken



and yeah, @Manhattan Glutton, I wasn't thinking in the SF context but you're right. "Not shit" lyrics is a solid foundation.

[Rabid Garfunkel]

Whoo! Skin o' my teeth! (phew)

[Pop Machine]

Congrats to those continuing on. Lot of good songs this round!

[glennny]

Wow! Thank you judges!

Pedro, it's a "grower" you'll get it in the future. (like some other WSA tunes you didn't get at 1st)

[Rabid Garfunkel]

Now... autobiographical? Hmmm.

[dantes]

Whoo! Skin o' my teeth! (phew)

Both of us. =P