Re: Circle of Titles V
Posted: Tue Jul 21, 2015 10:22 am
Those look like iTunes volume normalization tags.
Novum Stercore Non Vetus
https://songfight.net/forums/
Thanks for the feedback. I am, in principle, aware of vocal issues. I'm still figuring out vocal technique and most of the time I can only manage three ways of performing: weak, too open, or what you get in this recording (and, by the way, it's not actually functionally strained at all. I can keep going like that for hours). The strange noise is actually a form of whistling and if it confused you, it did its job. During monitoring it seemed to have the right level: enough to be noticeable as noise.Generic wrote:Jan Krueger - "Enjoy it While it Lasts"
from the title suggested by Johnny Cashpoint
I love your a capella stuff, but the lead voice in this one sounds really badly strained, as though you're singing through gritted teeth, or you just stubbed your toe or something. The pacing of this song is pretty much perfect; I love the swell of voices at the last chorus. The lyrics hit me on a personal level, which might not surprise you given our recent conversation in the IRC channel. Seems like we're dealing with some similar personal issues. In your bridge section ("In the wastelands of confusion..."), there's a strange noise under the vocal, maybe one of the "backup singers" whispering something? The fact that I can't identify it is pretty distracting. Consider either making it more prominent so it can be identified in the mix, or cutting it out completely. I like this a lot, but I wish the lead voice had more of an open sound to it.
Thank you for the review. It's well-thought out, and you focused on some issues that I hadn't even given the briefest consideration when I was working on the song, which is probably an indication that I needed to be told about them. Truth be told, while I was writing the lyrics, it hadn't occurred to me that the second-person-as-self thing was at play, but I suppose the interpretation is pretty obvious. There were a couple of points where I wanted to introduce an "I" into the narrative to make it clear that the singer was an outside observer, engaging in some schadenfreude, but all attempts just came across as shoehorned in. I've often done songs in this general mode (really upbeat with mean and/or cynical lyrics), but I hadn't thought about it in terms of undercutting the lyrics by making the music too slight.jast wrote:a long review, cut for space
With regard to vocal tone... I know it's kind of a constant quest to perfect the voice. But I think you've attained much clearer and more pleasant tone in previous songs. I think that if you could somehow keep the exact same arrangement and lyrics, but utilize the vocal tone that you had for the lead in you "Somewhere I Don't Know" it would be pretty much perfect.jast wrote: Thanks for the feedback. I am, in principle, aware of vocal issues. I'm still figuring out vocal technique and most of the time I can only manage three ways of performing: weak, too open, or what you get in this recording (and, by the way, it's not actually functionally strained at all. I can keep going like that for hours). The strange noise is actually a form of whistling and if it confused you, it did its job. During monitoring it seemed to have the right level: enough to be noticeable as noise.
Yeah, man. Exactly. I don't really have anything to add; I just wanted to point out that you hit the nail on the head for me, both with the lyrics to the song, and this explanation of them.About the lyrics: Work/life balance isn't really an issue for me, but of course the writing is based on personal experience. The lyrics might try to make you believe that the song is an answer, but it's actually more of a question. Being in the present moment, enjoying things as they come, that's great... but if that's all you do, you're not really going to get anywhere. Having a clear sense of direction can fix that, but if you're out at sea without a compass, what do you do, other than enjoying the sea and the sun? Or the thunderstorm, I guess.
I left the gay-bear vs. literal-bear interpretation vague on purpose (I don't even know and it doesn't even matter), but the main character of the song has bipolar disorder and the whole song is about him trying to cope with it even though it's wrecked his life. I absolutely refuse to make a punching-down joke about mental illness.Generic wrote:Sockpuppet - "Bipolar Bear"
from the title suggested by Nick Soma
It's an interesting choice to never use the title in your lyrics. I really like the piano here (and not being the only piano guy in the fight for a change), but your vocals could use a lot more takes. Sounds like you're not comfortable with the melody yet. I like the slight swing on the tambourine, but I think it would be more effective if it were cut from the verses and left as a chorus-only element. The unexpected diminished chords in the ending were a really good touch. I like this a lot, but I must admit that I'm still struggling with the title after a few listens. Is the character in this song a metaphorical bear, who doesn't belong "in the big city" because he should be out in the woods? Or is it a bear, who doesn't feel like he fits in because he has body images issues? Maybe it's both. I feel like there's just slightly less than enough support in the lyrics for either interpretation.
Too much of this here, too much of that there. What you're seeing is, hopefully, the onset of something like period-halving bifurcation. (Nerd mode off)Generic wrote:I think you've attained much clearer and more pleasant tone in previous songs. I think that if you could somehow keep the exact same arrangement and lyrics, but utilize the vocal tone that you had for the lead in you "Somewhere I Don't Know" it would be pretty much perfect.