The Self-Promotion Thread

fodroy · Post by **fodroy** » Wed Apr 25, 2007 11:08 pm

I don't think we have a specific self-promotion thread for non-music related items, but there needs to be one. I'm sure many of us are doing creative/cool type things outside of songfight. Why not post them here! This could be a central location for easy reference.

Ok, the reason I'm writing this post is this: 97% Human

This is a blog where I will be continually updating poetry (no, I don't write lame rhymey shit to my girlfriend who doesn't know I exist and I don't write emo poems). I've been focusing more on my poetry and fiction over the last year or so. Some of you may have noticed I haven't entered a fight in awhile. Anyway, there's a poem in there about being eaten by a shark and another in which Cal Ripken Jr./my neighbor's rotweiller/Ray Bradbury is my dermatologist.

I think you want to read now.

Plug away, songfighters!

spinlock · Post by **spinlock** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 12:42 am

I liked the one about the drinks. I got more confused until I hit the gestalt dermatologist, so I stopped there.

sausage boy · Post by **sausage boy** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 4:49 am

True story: I used to do freelance for a magazine that published short stories and poetry. I didn't write anything, I just did the covers. Then the business burnt down.

deshead · Post by **deshead** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 4:54 am

Did they take your stapler?

Caravan Ray · Post by **Caravan Ray** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 6:50 am

sausage boy wrote:True story: I used to do freelance for a magazine that published short stories and poetry. I didn't write anything, I just did the covers. Then the business burnt down.

True story: I was once, briefly (and not completely officially) - the Poet Laureate of the Republic of Kiribati.

I was living in Kiribati and working as a civil engineer for the Kiribati Government, then somehow I ended up writing a weekly page in English for other ex-pats in the national newspaper. At the same time - some dickhead student in England decided he would prolclaim himself 'Poet Laureate of Kiribati", wrote a letter to a minor official in the Presidents office, got a reply saying politely "please visit out country" - and started big-noting himself in his local paper. Word of this leaked through to me - so I started a National Poetry Competition. I had 3 entries. Myself, my wife, ...and some other bloke.

My epic ballad "The Kiribatiad*" took up a whole page of the newspaper that week and I naturally declared myself the winner and new Poet Laureate. Unfortunately this was never made official. I never pursued the matter because I was a bit embarrassed to approach the President about it, as I had gotten drunk at his house several weeks earlier and tried to drag him out nightclubbing with me, and...well...that's another story for another time.

In hindsight - perhaps my wife should have won. I can still remember her poem, and it i think anyone who has lived in a tropical society could relate to it. It was called "Waiting":

Waiting

Waiting
Waiting, waiting, waiting
Waiting, waiting
Waiting, waiting
Waiting, waiting
Waiting

...oh bugger it.

* I have long been a fan of The Sot-Weed Factor by John Barthe and happily seized this 'Ebeneezer Cooke' moment and squeezed it for all it was worth

**as I type this, I realise what a ridiculous story it is. I hadn't thought about this stuff for years. It is actually true.

fodroy · Post by **fodroy** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 7:09 am

spinlock wrote:I liked the one about the drinks. I got more confused until I hit the gestalt dermatologist, so I stopped there.

Yeah, the point is to take whatever my mind gives me. Some of them are a bit weird, but I find that to be part of the fun.

sausage boy · Post by **sausage boy** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 4:36 pm

Caravan Ray wrote:I was a bit embarrassed to approach the President about it, as I had gotten drunk at his house several weeks earlier and tried to drag him out nightclubbing with me,

Fuck, with qualifications like that you could be Prime Minister of Australia.