nOvemBer fOurteEnth
-
- Push Comes to Shove
- Posts: 298
- Joined: Mon Sep 27, 2004 1:02 pm
- Instruments: Photoshop and Illustrator
- Pronouns: he/him
- Contact:
nOvemBer fOurteEnth
how do you FeeL about some jokes today? so, qotd: what's a fUnny joke? iTs okay if it's offEnsive. ^_-
mahatma gandhi, as you know, walked Barefoot most of the time, which produced An impresSive set of calluseS On his feet. he alsO ate very little, which made him rather frail aNd with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. this made him a super calloused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.
a Dyslexic man walks into a bRa. a sUrly pirate walks into a barrr. and a Miniature man walks into a beer.
mahatma gandhi, as you know, walked Barefoot most of the time, which produced An impresSive set of calluseS On his feet. he alsO ate very little, which made him rather frail aNd with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. this made him a super calloused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.
a Dyslexic man walks into a bRa. a sUrly pirate walks into a barrr. and a Miniature man walks into a beer.
Last edited by Gemini6Ice on Wed Nov 14, 2007 2:09 pm, edited 2 times in total.
- JonPorobil
- Beat It
- Posts: 5682
- Joined: Sat Sep 25, 2004 11:45 am
- Instruments: Piano, Guitar, Harmonica, Mandolin, Accordion, Bass, lots of VSTs
- Recording Method: Cubase 10.5
- Submitting as: Jon Eric, Jon Porobil, others
- Pronouns: He/Him
- Location: Pittsburgh, PA
- Contact:
What does DNA stand for?
National Dylexics Association.
National Dylexics Association.
"Warren Zevon would be proud." -Reve Mosquito
Stages, an album of about dealing with loss, anxiety, and grieving a difficult year, now available on Bandcamp and all streaming platforms! https://jonporobil.bandcamp.com/album/stages
Stages, an album of about dealing with loss, anxiety, and grieving a difficult year, now available on Bandcamp and all streaming platforms! https://jonporobil.bandcamp.com/album/stages
- erik
- Jump
- Posts: 2341
- Joined: Sat Sep 25, 2004 11:06 am
- Submitting as: 15-16 puzzle
- Location: Austin
- Contact:
Okay, this one is probably old, but it's new to me, so:
A schoolbus of Catholic schoolgirls gets hit by a drunk driver and goes to Heaven. St. Peter's at the Pearly Gates to greet them. He asks the first girl:
"Kristin, did you ever touch a male organ?"
"Yes, St Peter. I touched one once, with the tip of my finger."
"Then dip your finger in this basin of holy water and enter Heaven."
He asks the second girl in line: "Kacy, did you ever touch a male organ?"
"Yes, St Peter. I once stroked one with my hand."
"Then dip your hand in holy water and enter Heaven."
All of the sudden, a girl comes pushing her way to the front of the line.
St Peter says "My dear, what's the rush?"
And the girl says, "Well if I have to gargle with holy water, I want to do it before Jessica sticks her ass in it."
A schoolbus of Catholic schoolgirls gets hit by a drunk driver and goes to Heaven. St. Peter's at the Pearly Gates to greet them. He asks the first girl:
"Kristin, did you ever touch a male organ?"
"Yes, St Peter. I touched one once, with the tip of my finger."
"Then dip your finger in this basin of holy water and enter Heaven."
He asks the second girl in line: "Kacy, did you ever touch a male organ?"
"Yes, St Peter. I once stroked one with my hand."
"Then dip your hand in holy water and enter Heaven."
All of the sudden, a girl comes pushing her way to the front of the line.
St Peter says "My dear, what's the rush?"
And the girl says, "Well if I have to gargle with holy water, I want to do it before Jessica sticks her ass in it."
- Albatross
- KING OF THE FORUMS
- Posts: 845
- Joined: Wed Jan 12, 2005 12:51 am
- Instruments: Bass, drums, guitar, hand farts
- Recording Method: Firewire 1814, Sonar X1
- Submitting as: Albatross, Primitive Screwheads
- Location: UT
Hear about the agnostic dyslexic insomniac?
Stayed up all night wondering if there's a dog.
Gemini - what's a bassohont?
Stayed up all night wondering if there's a dog.
Gemini - what's a bassohont?
Last edited by Albatross on Wed Nov 14, 2007 12:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.
- Billy's Little Trip
- Odie
- Posts: 12090
- Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2006 2:56 pm
- Instruments: Guitar, Bass, Vocals, Drums, Skin Flute
- Recording Method: analog to digital via Presonus FireBox, Cubase and a porn machine
- Submitting as: Billy's Little Trip, Billy and the Psychotics
- Location: Cali fucking ornia
A guy goes to the doctor because he's not feeling well
The doctor does some tests and say, I'm sorry sir, but you have hags
Hags, he asks, what is hags?
The doctor replies, hags is herpes, aids, gonorrhea and syphilis all together
The guy says, holy crap that sounds horrible
The doctor says, it sure is, so we'll check you into a room right away
The guy asks the doctor, what kind of food does a guy get, with hags?
The doctor says, pizza and pancakes
Pizza and pancakes, the guy replies?
That doesn't sound like a healthy diet for a guy with hags. Why pizza and pancakes?
The doctor replies, it's the only thing that will fit under the door.
The doctor does some tests and say, I'm sorry sir, but you have hags
Hags, he asks, what is hags?
The doctor replies, hags is herpes, aids, gonorrhea and syphilis all together
The guy says, holy crap that sounds horrible
The doctor says, it sure is, so we'll check you into a room right away
The guy asks the doctor, what kind of food does a guy get, with hags?
The doctor says, pizza and pancakes
Pizza and pancakes, the guy replies?
That doesn't sound like a healthy diet for a guy with hags. Why pizza and pancakes?
The doctor replies, it's the only thing that will fit under the door.
-
- Ice Cream Man
- Posts: 1160
- Joined: Mon Sep 19, 2005 2:00 pm
- Submitting as: Anti-m, Jeplexe
- Location: PDX
- Contact:
fluffy wrote:So a guy finds out he's dying of a bunch of nasty diseases and the first thing he asks is what kind of food he'll be getting? That doesn't make much sense. Maybe the doctor should tell him he's getting a special diet first.
Unless, of course it's in Australia -- then he'd be wanting to know so that he could pick an appropriate wine to pair with his choice.
I got "flute bassoon t drum", myself.
What's with the "T"?
Edit -- also oboe. So that's OBOE, Flute, Bassoon, t, drum. Wuzzah?
(Did I just walk into a setup?)
- Billy's Little Trip
- Odie
- Posts: 12090
- Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2006 2:56 pm
- Instruments: Guitar, Bass, Vocals, Drums, Skin Flute
- Recording Method: analog to digital via Presonus FireBox, Cubase and a porn machine
- Submitting as: Billy's Little Trip, Billy and the Psychotics
- Location: Cali fucking ornia
Would you like to tell the joke?fluffy wrote:So a guy finds out he's dying of a bunch of nasty diseases and the first thing he asks is what kind of food he'll be getting? That doesn't make much sense. Maybe the doctor should tell him he's getting a special diet first.
Maybe the guy missed breakfast.
- king_arthur
- Ice Cream Man
- Posts: 1753
- Joined: Sun Sep 26, 2004 6:56 am
- Instruments: guitar, vocals, bass, BIAB, keyboards (synth anything)
- Recording Method: Tascam DP-24SD
- Submitting as: King Arthur
- Pronouns: he/him
- Location: Phoenix, AZ
- Contact:
- roymond
- Beat It
- Posts: 5188
- Joined: Sat Sep 25, 2004 3:42 pm
- Instruments: Guitars, Bass, Vocals, Logic
- Recording Method: Logic X, MacBookPro, Focusrite Scarlett 2i2
- Submitting as: roymond, Dangerous Croutons, Intentionally Left Bank, Moody Vermin
- Pronouns: he/him
- Location: brooklyn
- Contact:
Oh charles, that made me laugh.
OK, What's got a bottom at its top?
A leg.
OK, What's got a bottom at its top?
A leg.
roymond.com | songfights | covers
"Any more chromaticism and you'll have to change your last name to Wagner!" - Frankie Big Face
"Any more chromaticism and you'll have to change your last name to Wagner!" - Frankie Big Face
-
- Push Comes to Shove
- Posts: 298
- Joined: Mon Sep 27, 2004 1:02 pm
- Instruments: Photoshop and Illustrator
- Pronouns: he/him
- Contact:
- Billy's Little Trip
- Odie
- Posts: 12090
- Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2006 2:56 pm
- Instruments: Guitar, Bass, Vocals, Drums, Skin Flute
- Recording Method: analog to digital via Presonus FireBox, Cubase and a porn machine
- Submitting as: Billy's Little Trip, Billy and the Psychotics
- Location: Cali fucking ornia
-
- Somebody Get Me A Doctor
- Posts: 173
- Joined: Thu Oct 11, 2007 5:51 pm
- Instruments: programming, guitar, vox
- Recording Method: GuitarPro 5, Audacity
- Submitting as: No Horse Town
- Location: Albuquerque, NM
Uh, yeah, this one is pretty old and weathered, but I dunno, maybe someone hasn't heard it:
Q: How many hippies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Hippies don't screw in lightbulbs, they screw in (sleeping bags / tents).
Sorry, yeah, that's pretty weak. I don't know that many jokes.
Q: How many hippies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Hippies don't screw in lightbulbs, they screw in (sleeping bags / tents).
Sorry, yeah, that's pretty weak. I don't know that many jokes.
There's a place where a total stranger will give you their blood...
-
- Push Comes to Shove
- Posts: 298
- Joined: Mon Sep 27, 2004 1:02 pm
- Instruments: Photoshop and Illustrator
- Pronouns: he/him
- Contact:
- king_arthur
- Ice Cream Man
- Posts: 1753
- Joined: Sun Sep 26, 2004 6:56 am
- Instruments: guitar, vocals, bass, BIAB, keyboards (synth anything)
- Recording Method: Tascam DP-24SD
- Submitting as: King Arthur
- Pronouns: he/him
- Location: Phoenix, AZ
- Contact:
- Billy's Little Trip
- Odie
- Posts: 12090
- Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2006 2:56 pm
- Instruments: Guitar, Bass, Vocals, Drums, Skin Flute
- Recording Method: analog to digital via Presonus FireBox, Cubase and a porn machine
- Submitting as: Billy's Little Trip, Billy and the Psychotics
- Location: Cali fucking ornia
- Billy's Little Trip
- Odie
- Posts: 12090
- Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2006 2:56 pm
- Instruments: Guitar, Bass, Vocals, Drums, Skin Flute
- Recording Method: analog to digital via Presonus FireBox, Cubase and a porn machine
- Submitting as: Billy's Little Trip, Billy and the Psychotics
- Location: Cali fucking ornia